For
  sassy,
  classy
  women
  motorcyclists

For those that remember the game show, Hollywood Squares. 

There were a lot of great questions and answers from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

As seen on the VTM Message Board

Stranded On An Island

A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years!" he says.

She reaches over, unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"

Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?"

He replies, "Ten years!"

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic!"

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?"

And the man replies, "My God! Don't tell me you've got a motorcycle in there!"

Sent in by VTM sister Bobbye ... who notes that cagers certainly won't have an excuse for not seeing this motorcycle!

Sent by a girlfriend of mine (Jeanne)!

Every one of those little blue balls is a thought about something that needs to be done, a decision or a problem that needs to be solved.

A man, of course, has only 2 balls and they take up all his thoughts.

Maxine was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed.
.
When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out.

The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."

A Saucy Santa for you! Definitely enter your first name when it prompts you!

http://adoniscabaret.co.uk/saucy-santa-hen-night/index.htm 

Well, it's a Harley, but it's built out of plywood! Gotta love this!

From Lil Stargazer at the VTwin Mama Message Board.
It's a geek guy transformation to a biker, but the ending is priceless!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oggr09W0Bno

Included in a posting by Lowly at the VTwin Mama Message Board.
Visit or register and participate to find out what thread brought this one on! It's in the Introduce Yourself section: Blanket Hello From VTwin Mama

Lowly adds:

That must be for when we take on an ACME challenge and do it, knowing WE ARE NOT ALONE!

Submitted by VTwin Mama sister Cindy, A.P.M.S. photo

Why one should ride the bike now and again!

VTwin Mama sister Bobbye sent these in and they answer the question whether creative packing/loading is possible!

INTRODUCING A NEW LINE OF MOTORCYCLES
At a press conference late Monday, the CEO of Johnson Marine, makers of Johnson outboard marine engines and other recreational equipment, unveiled a new line of heavyweight cruiser style motorcycles designed to compete head to head with industry leader Harley-Davidson.

Peter Long, Johnson's Brands Marketing Manager said, "We have studied the market and determined that Harley, while highly successful, has narrowly missed the mark when targeting motorcycle buyers." Long added, "We at Johnson are convinced that our product hits the target dead center and promises to draw sales away from Harley-Davidson in a way no other motorcycle has been able to
accomplish."

The new line of bikes, marketed under the name Big Johnson Motorcycles, will, according to Long, deliver what Harley has only promised. "Our research show that this, a Big Johnson, is what Harley buyers are really after."

At the unveiling of the new line Monday, several current Harley owners agree. "When I bought my Harley, what I really needed was a Big Johnson," said one Harley owner. "But I see now that riding a Harley is no replacement for having a Big Johnson."

Manager Long also said that his company would follow the lead of Harley-Davidson and cash in on a huge market for non-motorcycle related products. "We realize that not every guy can have a Big Johnson," said Long, "But image is very important to people. If they
don't have a Big Johnson, they at least want to project the image of having one."

Asked if he anticipated Big Johnsons showing up in the hands of Harley owners, Long said it was unlikely. "I just don't see the need to have a Harley if you have a Big Johnson," he said. "And I can't imagine someone who spends all their resources to acquire a Harley having a Big Johnson. I think it boils down to this - You either have a Harley, or you have a Big Johnson, but you are not likely to have both."

"Given the choice," said Long, "I think most guys will opt for the Big Johnson."
Another force driving sales for the company will come from women. A survey of the wives and girlfriends of nearly 1,000 potential motorcycle buyers indicates less than 5% would approve of their partner spending $20,000 on a Harley Davidson. But, when asked if they would be willing to pay the same amount of money to get their partner a Big
Johnson, nearly 4 out 5 thought that would be money well spent.

One female present at the product unveiling was quoted as saying, "There is no way I will let Lonnie drop 20 grand on another one of those Harleys, but 20 grand to get him a Big Johnson? Well, that's something we could both enjoy, and it's something he really needs."

Carla Roundheel, manager of the dealership network now being established, said her motto is simple. "I service what we sell. "Big Johnson Motorcycles will be traded on the New York stock exchange under the abbreviation PNSNV.

As seen in the March/April issue of The Saturday Evening Post

Get Your Motor Running
A truck driver was sitting at a truck stop counter quietly eating his breakfast when three rough-looking motorcyclists came in. They were bearded, dirty, wearing leather jackets and helmets with weird decals on them. The truck driver looked at them for a moment, and then continued eating his breakfast. The bikers apparently took offense at the way he looked at them.

They sauntered over to the trucker. One knocked over his coffee; another poured syrup on this eggs; and the third one dumped salt and pepper on his hear. The trucker took this abuse without saying a word, left a tip, and went over to the cashier. He paid his bill and walked out the door to the parking lot.

"He sure wasn't much of a man," one of the bikers said to the waitress as they seated themselves down at a window booth. "He didn't even put up a fight."

"He's not much of a driver, either," the waitress said as she looked out a window. "He just backed his truck over three motorcycles." - Charles W. Scott

Ok, this one is more about fun than humor, but gadzooks, I was laughing trying these 
out . . . online motorcycle jigsaw puzzles, that is! Give it a try . . . lots to choose from!

http://motorcycles.about.com/cs/motodiversions/a/motopuzz.htm

Dear Family and Friends,

Sorry to say this, but this will be my last e-mail. Things have been tougher than usual lately and life is getting shorter and shorter every day. I want to take time and smell the roses. So I am going to quit e-mailing jokes and travel full time with a biker gang to see the country and enjoy life while I still can. Don't worry about me - they all seem like really nice people. It has been nice emailing you. But it's time to say good bye. A photo of my biker gang is below.  Don't be sad, just smile.

Love Ya, Kathy HRRRRRZ

P.S. And remember my motto: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, a glass of go Cabernet  in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, what a ride!

  
Sent in by VTwin Mama sister Cecilia

Demonic Squirrel Riding Story by Daniel Meyer

  
Sent in so long ago, who remembers?!

VTwin Mama's "True Confessions" Articles