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Jitters 2010
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2008 Friday, February 22 Dear VTwin Mama, After a few minutes into the ride, I start relaxing and enjoying myself a
bit more. I hope this feeling passes. It almost makes me not want to ride when
I feel that way. My kids think I have lost my mind (they're grown). But I have
a grandbaby that I absolutely adore and I think of him every time I step on
that bike and go for a spin. It helps keep me alert, mindful of the other
drivers and conditions of the road because I know one little mistake could
cost me. Dear Debbie, So thanks for letting others know they aren't alone and that it takes courage and can do attitude to keep at it ... there will be that one moment when it comes together in such a delicious way that no matter what butterflies want to tag along for the ride, they'll be ones of excitement! – Mama Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Cloudwalker, Meanwhile, given that some things will quickly come back to you, besides considering taking a riding course, I'd hop on and do a few drills. 1) in neutral, sit on the bike and walk it forward with no power to get a feel for the new weight/balance. Then do some backing up exercises. Do a few gentle leans side to side to feel the weight and how much your legs can hold now. Now, turn the handlebar all the way to one side and see how your arm reach is to the controls. 2) fire up the bike, put it in first, and slowly let the clutch out to that first point of engagement but not any further. The bike will begin moving forward and you can duck walk along with it. You might need a little throttle so it doesn't stall. If it starts moving too fast forward, remove power from the throttle and pull in the clutch lever ... remember, you remove all power by pulling that lever in! Try it again until you've got the clutch engagement and throttle coordinated to a steady duck walk. 3) get the bike to a big empty but paved parking lot. Do the duck walk and then try picking up your feet ... remember, balance is maintained better when we pick up our feet together, not one at a time. 4) Decide if taking a riding course would be advantageous or the old skills are coming back on their own! Ok back-to-riding-after-awhile gals ... let's get some support messages in! – Mama Dear VTwin Mama, I’m a 32 year old, confident, happy,
well adjusted woman (sassy and classy as required in your headers) and yet I
have just managed to get myself into the most stupid state over riding a bike.
Tears, jelly legs, the whole caboodle. I’m from the Having practised on a car park for a
few hours, with these boy wonders looking on in a bored fashion, I was taken
out to the quiet back roads where I managed to let go of the clutch while
revving. I ended up on the verge, having broken the indicator and grazed both
my knees, with my jeans tangled up on the stand so I couldn’t even get up
without being help by a gallant youth. I didn’t cry, and I rode the
bike back – this is the only pride I can glean from that moment. As we couldn’t continue with the
broken indicator, and as I needed another 2 hours riding to complete the CBT
the instructor suggested he come back to my home another day to compete the
time on my bike (bought, shiny, and unused at home) and that I try to get time
in practicing before then. I did that, although not a lot of practicing,
as I kept on making excuses to myself about not being road legal, our lane
being mainly gravel (we’re in a rural spot), I had deadlines for work, I
even prioritized housework which isn’t like me. I thought I’d managed to
laugh the incident off, but I got so jittery every time I started to pull off. That day came for him to come complete
the day and it took some effort to even move off the spot. I managed it, but
it was a close call, and then we were off. Slowly, but it felt good. Then
coming out of a bend, down a steep hill, my bike lost all power. For some
reason I looked down to see why – I have no idea what I expected to see, the
bike pixies holding up signs explaining things? But at least I had the sense
to brake which was good, because when I looked up all I could see was a stone
wall. I rolled gently into it, denting the front guard, and my pride. We
discovered, a mile or so further on that the power loss was due to running out
of petrol. Ego takes a further bash, and onto the reserve tank – and yet
again my poor ego, when I realize that I don’t have any money on me. We rode
(very slowly) into the nearest garage, he buys me petrol, and while he’s
paying an out of control 4x4 swerves off the road towards me. He obviously
misses, I’m typing this now, but it didn’t help, putting that little bit
more tension into my highly strung nerves. By this time all I want to do is
get home. We ride home. I think I hit 25mph at one stage on the way home, but
I know I didn’t get out of 2nd gear. This was enough for him to sternly
tell me I can have the certificate to ride. He pointed out that I’m safe,
but that I need to a) take (small) risks and speed up, b) practice, a lot. At
least one hour everyday. Elated at having been given the all clear I get very
drunk with the boyfriend. Yesterday (the day after getting my cert.) I was too
hung-over to ride. That was my excuse. Today I didn’t have one. At least not
once I’d walked the dog, checked my email, done the laundry…. It took me ages to get on that bike
(hours if I’m going to be honest). I made my partner take me out pillion
first. I cried, I fell into self-doubt and self-pity and was shaking like a
leaf and beating myself up all the while for over-reacting and being so
stupid. But I did it. I got on my bike and turned off into the road. This being the I know that logically only by riding
will I improve my riding. I know that I have wanted a bike since I was 13, and
my bike is beautiful, that this whole thing is something I want, yet I came so
close to just giving in today, and I’ve been giving myself such a hard time
over being so, well, chicken about it. I guess I wanted to let you know that
the site has really helped. It’s not ‘pathetic’ or any of the
other names that I I’ve been calling myself to react badly to bad moments.
Just hearing that other women have been nervous about it has really put things
back into perspective for me. Reading that other women have had the same sort
of mishaps and gone on to ride again, no matter how slowly really has made a
difference. For some reason I was believing that every other bike rider must
just have got on their bikes and off into the sunset without a mishap or
glitch, or a hint of nerves. When I think about getting back out
there tomorrow I still tense up a little, but the cattle stampede that my
stomach has been doing has stopped, and more importantly I know I’m going
to, rather than hoping I can. I just need to practice, and learn, and gain
confidence. Big thanks, huge ones in fact, to you and the women who told their tales, somehow I don’t think there are pages like this on the male forums ;) - please, please keep it up, I’m sure I’ll be back. – Lou Dear Lou, Do you hear a little noise somewhere behind you ... it's getting a little louder now ... that's clapping from every pair of women riders' hands applauding you as the journey continues. Quick ... acknowledge it or it will become quite deafening! I was especially drawn to the wonderful list of excuses you had at the ready ... see, this is how housework gets done ... and I too used it to great affect in the beginning. Unfortunately, I kept learning and practicing and now the house is a bit of a mess, the motorcycle has to cry out to get washed, because the road calling to me is the loudest voice! I would like to offer a thank you to the instructor who didn't give up on you, the boyfriend who stands at the ready when you need him, and to you, for having the smarts to do some online research that led you to the Jitters section. Now, out you go to pat the bike on the tank and say, "Very soon my beautiful bike, we will be moving down the road together in confidence because I know that's what we both want!" – Mama Hello VTwin Mama, My problem is that at fast speeds (45-55 mph) I tend to become somewhat hypnotized by oncoming traffic....and have even run off the opposite side of the road in a daze. I have done this twice and managed to keep the bike up and come to a complete stop safely (thank GOD) and get back on the bike. Obviously, this is a VERY dangerous problem and needs to be addressed immediately. All of my family rides and nobody has ever heard of this particular problem. Have you ever heard of this dilemma and are there any suggestions? – Leslie Dear Leslie, One can learn to "undo" this with practice. Find an empty parking lot and set up a cone or other very visible marker. Approach the object in second gear, look at the object and recognize it as the thing you wish to avoid, and shift your eyes to the sides of the object to recognize where you want to go, and then go there. What you'll be doing in this exercise is training your brain to identify a hazard and look for the correct "solution set" of space to avoid it. I think it would be helpful to have a mantra of sorts when you feel your gaze fixating ... maybe something like Shift Focus or Clear Space ... something you can repeat over and over to jar the brain. Do it over and over even if you feel this hazard avoidance situation isn't really your problem, and use the mantra you have chosen ... you're training the mental process, and in many cases, training our brain for the series of thoughts/responses we want is important and key to moving forward in our learning curve. Then I would go out with a family member on a quiet traffic day/time, with them in the lead. Concentrate on your lane position and ride. When a vehicle comes into your vision from the opposing lane, recognize it, say your mantra, shift your focus to your "clear space," aka your lane position in conjunction with the rider ahead of you, and proceed. Repeat. I think it might also be very helpful to more fully explore why you're fixating on oncoming traffic ... for instance, are you concerned they are going to cross the line into your lane? In this case, the practice sessions will help as we should always be riding with the subconscious brain "looking" for the "out." And the out is any space that gets us away from something bad. So, while we're not fixating on the outs, we're recognizing where the best ones are. Or perhaps there is a different reason ... and once again, consider past experiences to determine if there is something that's triggering this reaction. While all of this may seem very intensive, with practice it does eventually become part of your one-with-yourself-and-the-road feeling. – Mama For Lou and every single person in the Jitters section: OMG..I laughed so hard when I read her posting! I want to begin by saying I'm a 42 yr old grandma and I've never driven a bike until last year. I grew up with an over protective parent that made sure I was scared of everything in the world, including my own shadow. My husband has ridden bikes all his life. The women in the other two couples we ride with have bikes of their own. I really admired them for that, but never breathed a word about having one of my own until last summer. I finally shared with him, in private, that I wanted to learn how to ride. He said I was NOT going to get a bike. So of course I DID. Because I'm still independent and stubborn enough that nobody is going to TELL me I'm not. So instead of buying a smaller bike to get experience, I went out and bought a bike that most men would love to own after years of riding. Now I've got myself into a pickle. I have a 2001 Harley Davidson Dyna Low Rider which is the perfect bike for me...if I had experience. I immediately signed up for a course through the HD dealership. I did well and passed the course, but didn't get my safety card because I crashed on the last exercise. I was only going about 20 miles per hour when I performed the emergency stop and hit the hand brake too hard. I bruised my ribs and my ego, but managed to get back on and ride the bike to the garage where I had to wait for everybody else (all women thank God). I've gone about 10 miles in a circle in the six months I've had it. I've made every excuse in the world to not ride, some legitimate reasons and some not. The handlebars are too far out and straight (got a new one)...the clutch is too hard to pull. (got an easy clutch now)...it's too hot outside ( then came Winter), it's too cold outside (now it's turning Spring)...tire needs replaced (got one of those too)...never have time for some reason or the other...now I'm trying to figure out if I should sell it and buy a Ridley (no clutch..WOW)...just went to look at one today in fact. My husband is about to have a COW! I really, really want to ride. But I'm just so darn scared of this thing. I don't know if I can ever get over it. That is why I looked at the Ridleys. I am just scared that I'll let go of the clutch accidentally, it will lunch forward, die and then I'll fall over. I've already done that by the way (I was in loose gravel and got scared) I'm fine, but I busted a lens on the bike...$50! I live on a really long gravel driveway and I have to get past. The 10 miles I rode was in a neighborhood across from our house and my husband took the bike up there for me and patiently watched me ride. But now he tells me I'm past that and that if I don't learn to go down the driveway, then I cannot ride because he isn't going to ride it to the end of the street for me every time I want to ride. God love him, he thinks he's saving my life by discouraging me from riding. But all that does it make me more determined. Anyway, the only point to this posting is to say that my husband doesn't understand and I was so glad to read these stories and find that I'm not the only one and that there is hope for me. I'm going to think about all of you and try and take some of your strength with me as I push myself in neutral down the driveway [this was last Thursday]. I have to start all over again, since it has been 4 months since I've been on the bike. I'm really nervous, but determined. And then VTwin Mama and Lou, I'm gonna have a margarita! Update since the Thursday try (VTM was out of town at the time):
Thanks so much for the response asking for
an update on what happened. Before my husband got home, I convinced my 16
year old to stand guard for me in case I dropped the bike over. I was able
to at least get it out and push it a short distance, but being slightly
uphill and since the motorcycle weighs over 640 pounds, I didn't go far. But
I did feel a sense of accomplishment!
I finally got up the nerve to ask my husband to help in buying a dirt bike to practice on. He enjoyed the fact that I had to admit he was right about starting with a dirt bike and we went shopping. We bought the first bike we found since it was only $900 and was in like new condition. It is a Honda XR100R and I love it. I can ride it all over the place and will continue to practice the gear shifting and stopping and starting on it.
Also, I am so excited over a new
revelation. Not all bikes are created equal. I knew this of course, but I
have a friend who rides a 2004 Yamaha VStar Classic. She is only 5' tall and
rides better than anyone I know. I sat on her bike and released the clutch
enough to walk it around a parking lot Sunday. It was awesome..not even in
the least intimidating. It is balanced well, isn't heavy and I feel very
confident that I can learn to ride this bike much easier than the Dyna Low
Rider.
I'm not going to rush right into it of course. I'm going to continue practicing on the dirt bike, then try the Harley a couple more times and if it is still as scary to me as always, then I'm going to sell it and go by a Yamah VStar. I know it isn't as pretty or popular of a bike, but what difference does that make if I can't ride it. Thanks again for your website and thanks for checking on me...it really helps me to read the postings. I check it every now and then. – Donna (note from Mama: I'm so glad that Lou's message helped you realize that you're not alone and that your hubby dearest is back on board with helping you noodle out the next steps instead of standing there with his arms crossed. Many riders get that dream bike only to realize they need something smaller to get more practice time in, even after taking a riding course. Your letter is outlining wonderful steps in the learning process and I have no doubt you've gained a boot-full of knowledge that will serve you well in the coming months. Let us know how it's going ... we're all standing by to assist in any way that we can!) Dear Mama, Last spring, at the age of 59 and never having ridden before, I bought a Yamaha Morphous scooter...it fit me and I loved its looks. I took and passed the learner's test and got a permit. My husband took me to parking lots for practice. My MSF class was scheduled for 2 weeks in the future. I had the scoot 6 days and decided I knew enough to go out on my own. I was wearing jeans, a sweatshirt over a long sleeved shirt, high topped hiking boots, and a helmet and gloves. I was in my own quiet residential neighborhood 3 blocks from home when I got into a situation I didn't know how to handle (I didn't know how to swerve!) and while I was trying to figure out how to get around the obstacle, I let the scooter slow down so much it fell over. My ankle was caught between the floorboard and the curb. Hiking sneakers are not good enough protection for ankles and the fibula broke in 3 pieces. Got to meet the firemen and EMTs in town and got a ride in the ambulance to the hospital. It was a very painful time, needless to say. The whole thing healed well and now I'm recovering from the removal of the 7 screws and one plate what were in my leg. In another few weeks I'll be healed enough to get back on the bike. The problem is, I'm now too frightened. This last fall, after the leg was healed from the break and physical therapy was over, I bought real riding gear and practiced some in a parking lot, (fell over once because I forgot to put my feet down when I stopped-DOH!) took an MSF course. Halfway through the second day, when we got to slow figure 8s I got so panicked and freaked out and sure that I could not do that exercise because I’d fall over and break my leg again, I ended up in tears and took myself out of the course. I have not been back on that scooter since that day. When I even THINK about riding, I get sick to my stomach. These days I can't bring myself to even sit on the scooter in the garage on its centerstand. Even reading motorcycle technique books makes me nauseous. My husband, sons, brothers, nephews, nieces and sisters ride. I'm just about the only one who doesn't. I bought the scoot so I could go on rides too. I was tired of being left home alone while everyone else had fun. Everyone but hubby is pushing me to get going again and even he doesn't understand why I am so frightened. At this point I am feeling too afraid and freaked out to ride. I want to ride, but I'm now so aware of the potential for injury and there is no way I want to go thru a broken anything ever again. It hurts too much and it takes way too long to heal. It's not like I didn't already know riding is a dangerous thing. I thought I was ready to accept the risk and wanted to be a skillful rider. Now? I don't know. How can I get over the fear? My brothers say just get on the bike and go, but I can't make myself twist the throttle. Thanks. – Shaking in my Motorcycle Boots Dear Shaking in my Motorcycle Boots, But what to do? At first I wondered if you were just riding because the extended family does, but in re-reading your message, I feel that you genuinely went into it because you wanted the adventure for yourself and not anyone else. This is a big factor in moving forward. If, in fact, you are doing it for anyone but yourself, then I'd say you need to think long and hard about all of this. Obviously the horror of the leg break, and everything you had to go through afterwards to heal, and we're glad to hear that you did in fact heal physically, isn't allowing for a "just get on the bike and go" feeling. I empathize, as I once had an accident and it took me a winter-into-spring timeframe to finally decide to fix the bike and go for it again! In cruising through my own site (!), I found RAF, who had a number of oopsies on the same bike, did take a class and enjoyed learning more, but as of last May, was going to put on a TowPac MiniTrike conversion. I have emailed RAF for an update. While this conversion is not cheap ($2500 plus ship/handle for the 8" wheel conversion you would need), it may be the solution you seek to move forward. You would be able to ride with your family without worrying about falls. On that site, you'll see a picture of your bike in a scooter conversion, and I think it looks really nice! What's also nice, is that this type of conversion doesn't remove the rear wheel, but adds one on each side, and can be added and removed as you wish. That means you could get some riding time and regain confidence, and should you want to try two-wheel again, it can be taken off for that! Give that some thought while I wait for RAF to check in and give us more information. – Mama Monday, March 17 For Shaking who is trying to get back to riding her Morphous scooter after a bad leg break: My heart just went out to her. I know what she she means by getting nauseous about trying to sit on the bike, using the throttle, etc. and her fall had much more serious consequences than the dumps I took. I hope what I share with you will encourage her. I did have the Tow-Pac conversion kit put on in May, and have never regretted it for a minute! I am doing what I had wanted to do--ride--and without having to deal with the balance issues, and I am having a blast! I went from having only about 100 miles on the bike before I took the MSF course----with most of those miles put on by friends who would take the Morphous over to the parking lots for me so I could practice---- to having almost 1000 miles on it! I am so proud of those miles! On my first couple of rides, I was still a bit nervous, but it was a completely different kind of nervousness--the excited, anticipating kind! Riding with a kit on is different, and you handle your bike differently, but it is definitely just right for me. I have gotten to experience the fun and love of riding that my friends would talk about. I could only imagine what it was like before I had the kit put on, because all I felt was uptight, scared, and sick to my stomach. But having the kit put on my bike has made a world of difference, and now I love my bike! I ride with a group of 6 friends, and except for one gal who has a 650 Yamaha V-Star, the rest have scooters. All of us except one of the group are new riders. All of us newbies took the MSF course last summer at different times, and have our first bike for the first time in our lives as well. The age of us riders are from 41 to 78!! The 78 year old has both a black Yamaha Morphous that he rides as a 2-wheel, and a Honda Goldwing with a Voyager trike conversion kit on it, which he rides more often. We 6 riders rode together all summer and fall, whenever 2 or more of us could get together--- honing our skills, encouraging each other, seeking and giving suggestions, and just having a great time together! Our last ride was in November. We went to a nearby restaurant on a cloudy Ohio day with 40 degree temps. But it was one of the best rides for several of us, me included! I have a few friends who don't ride who like to joke with me about my extra wheels, but they also have told me that they are impressed and in awe, as they would never attempt it--extra wheels or not! I have never had anyone be rude because of the kit. Instead I have gotten to meet alot of neat people because of having this kit on. People will come up to look at the bike and ask what kind of bike it is, and then ask all kind of questions once I tell them it is a regular 250 cc scooter with a Tow-Pac trike kit. I kind of feel like an embassador for the Tow-Pac company, and I am more than happy to share my joy! The greatest compliment I ever got was when I and a friend had pulled into the gas station to refill, and a gentleman on a motorcycle pulled up on the other side of the pump. He got off his bike, came over with the biggest smile on his face, and asked, "What kind of sweet little ride is this?" I am so happy that I didn't give up trying to ride altogether, but went your advice to "go with my gut feelings and trike it." I am so proud of myself, and am having so much fun. I am looking forward to another season of riding, and the skill I will continue to build , and all the fun adventures and trips I am going to go on, with friends, and on my own. I hope that Shaking in My Motorcycle Boots or anyone who has been having problems with learning to ride, will find the path that works for them, so they can experience the thrill and fun of riding that they are longing for. Thanks again, V-Twin Mama, for being there for people. Hugs, – RAF (note from Mama: I appreciate the update on your conversion and how it's going ... it's certainly an idea for Shaking to consider! ) Thursday, April 3 Hi Petra, Last week, in my search for more lady rider sites, I came across "Lace Wheels." I clicked on the Alabama link and low and behold there was your name! And in Mobile no less! I feel like I won the lottery! My, sorta long, tale is as follows. (It has a happy ending) Several years ago I started riding a little (80cc) scooter. Got the big head and bought a big Burgman 400 a year later. My riding goes down hill from there. I dropped it so many times till it didn't scare me anymore. I searched near and far for help to learn to ride it with absolutely no luck. I couldn't even find a private rider coach any closer to Mobile than Texas..... believed me I searched for months and months. One guy finally talked me into taking the MSF course.... he said I could learn to ride the Burgman by taking the course. I took one day of the course then had to drop out. (Will explain that later on) It would not have helped at all to learn to ride the Burgman. On to the MSF happening. Near the end of the first riding day I got so jittery until I couldn't go back for the next exercise and dropped out. However, I rode the 250cc motorcycle without mishap the short time I was there. I calmed down enough to get me and my truck home safely after that but did cry all the way home and for a few hours afterwards. Later that evening, after sorting out what happened to me, I realized I did pretty good in the class and the reason I got the jitters was because the learning curve was going a bit fast for me. Later that evening my very supportive husband called from work and said "I know you can ride and we're going to get you a motorcycle to learn on." A week later I had a 2005 Honda Rebel 250 with only 357 miles on her. (She beautiful and named Rebelgirl) Off we went to the parking lot for practice, with Bob riding her over for me. I did well that day and the next as well, pretty much following what I was taught in the MSF course. The third day Bob said "it's time to learn to shift gears." Oh no, jitters again! Our neighborhood has a 1 mile loop in a quite, tolerant area. (Nobody calls the police to me....lol) Off I went with Bob following me on his Shadow. By the third time around I was having a ball with the clutch and the gears.... why did I think it was going to be so hard? I wouldn't take having a clutch on a bike for anything.... no more scooters for me. Bob dropped off and just sat in the drive way watching me go round and round. The next day we go back to the parking lot for "turning from a dead stop." Yikes, jitters again but I learned to do it. Bob did a demo first, right in front of me and I took it from there. My jitters come from trying to handlebar steer the Burgman... what a fright that was! It amazed me the way the motorcycle responded to slow speed handle bar steering. Never once felt like it was going to fall over. (Bless that clutch) The following day I decided to put us on the real road for the first time. We road ten miles out and back with one stop at a gas station. That stop was scary but I pulled up to that pump like I knew what I was doing.... no embarrassing "duck walk." Not that I still don't have to "duck walk" quite often but that will pass eventually. We made the same ride the next day as well. The following day back to the parking lot for slow cone weave practice, but I rode Rebelgirl over instead of Bob having to do it for me. I watched "Ride Like a Pro" over and over until I felt ready to do the weave..... what fun that was! To me there is nothing more fun than to practice slow speed, handle bar steering exercises. I'm in awe of what a motorcycle can do without falling over...... she never once felt like she was going over! I need lots more practice but I'm not so scared of it now. (Having said that, I've not gotten to the "off-set" cone weave yet.lol) That brings me to the end of the tale for the moment. My husband is gone now for the next four weeks so I have to bite the bullet and take the bike out on my own without my "Shadow." He's a captain, out in the Gulf so he isn't home very often, and only for two weeks when he is here. If you know of any other new lady riders in the area that might want to get together to practice or take rides together please pass along my information. I live in Tillman's Corner, AL, Mobile county. You might want to pass along also I'm not a spring chicken..... I'm 65 but that's not too old to learn to ride.... I'm living proof! I want to thank you so much for the "jitters" pages on VTwin Mama! They worked a miracle for me. Everybody has "jitters" when they're new............sheeeeeeeesh, I thought I was the only one! Bless you for the great work you do for us, – Diana T. Dear Diana, What a wonderful recap of your learning curve you have shared! In doing this, you have now helped the next person in line who wonders, "Is it just me?" Well, as you found out, it's not! Kudos to you for sticking with it and realizing that learning can take time and many steps! – Mama Friday, May 23 Dear Petra, Well, my husband and I found a cheap but good Honda Rebel and I put about 500 miles on that little thing practicing skills at the local high school, then going to a small town near where we live to get use to a little traffic, then going to a bigger city to get use to some more heavier traffic. Well, I rode that thing up till a few weeks ago and finally had to get on the Sportster. I have done pretty good, practicing the same way I did with the Rebel. I am still a little slow on turning from a dead stop (that's how I ended up in the corn ... rolled the throttle too hard and panicked and popped the clutch), but I remember you saying practice, practice, practice. I have graduated to the small town driving, and look forward to moving to bigger city traffic. My goal is to ride the bike to work. I live 25 miles away from my work, and with gas prices the way they are, I see the Sportster as a way to save a few pennies, plus enjoy the ride. We sold the Rebel yesterday, so there is no going back now! Thanks for your encouragement to me and all the other riders out there. Keep up the good work, and be safe in your travels. – Robin Dear Robin, There has been media chatter about too many people buying bikes to mitigate rising gas prices but not taking the time to properly learn how to ride, thus increasing the statistics of accidents and worse. Kudos to you for continuing on your pathway and when you're ready for riding to work, it's really going to be quite joyful. Yahoo to you! – Mama Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Kathy, Dear VTwin Mama, Realized I wanted to learn because it is fun and I really wanted to do this for myself. Well, I did pass the second time but not by much and went out and purchased myself a beautiful 2002 Honda Shadow VLX 600. It is much more stable than the Honda Rebel 250 that I rode in the class and the throttle is not as touchy, makes me more comfortable. I have been practicing in the church parking lot, duck walking, stop and go, shifting from first to second and back to first during a stop. Took it out for a spin around the block first time ever on the street, how stressful it was. Here I am going around the block just fine come up to the stop sign on a small incline and try to take off and stall, the car behind me starts blowing his horn and there are three vehicles coming down the road on my left and a car backing out onto the street to my right, which is where I want to turn and this guy is just blowing his horn at me. Due to the stress I of course stall the bike again which causes more stress not to mention that I am terrified to make that tight turn at the top of a hill into traffic. I hope it gets better. The Church parking lot is small and the closest large parking lot is about 7 miles down the road traveling at 55 miles per hour. I am simply not ready for that yet. My husband would probably help but he is working out of state, so I am on my own. I want to ride in the worst way, but the jitters have me reluctant to get out and try, especially after my first time out. Hope I can get over this and get out again soon. – Shadow Rider Dear Shadow Rider, I want to congratulate you on everything you have achieved already ... it's quite a lot and we can see that the desire is there ... yahoo to you! Now let's address the issues you have on your next steps. Parking lot practice is always good, but yes, eventually we've got to head out into the real world. As I don't know what time of day you took that first spin in the neighborhood, by your description of all the traffic coming through, it might not have as ideal as possible. Consider a very early Sunday morning run when traffic is likely to be at its very lowest. This will allow you to navigate your area and not come across the cage crowder ... they of course don't get it and are always anxious to get to where they are going. I'm guessing with some breathing room you'll be able to get the rhythm you need to handle that to better satisfaction. Tight turns from a stop are always a skill that needs a lot of polish at first. By placing markers in the parking lot (tennis balls cut in half, cones, or even bright orange crackers that birds will then eat!) to lay out a tight intersection, you can concentrate on picking up both legs to the pegs together and smoothly, using your friction zone to regulate the speed, and working on your head and eyes looking fully through the turn for best results. The wiggle room will allow you to go out of bounds as you work on this and celebrate each time you get closer to the goal. Since hubby is working out of state, I wouldn't hesitate to see what women's riding organizations are in your area. Make a point of emailing and saying hi and attending the next meeting to introduce yourself in person. You may find a rider who is in position to assist you through the beginning things that will help your confidence level ... at the very least, you'll get a bigger rider circle for yourself to motivate you! Remember, these are gals who have been there and done that and are cheerleaders all the way around! – Mama Tuesday, August 19 For Shadow Rider who is having some jitters moving beyond the parking lot for a number of reasons: Shadow Rider, I feel your pain & anxiety! I dropped the bike a total of 3 times at the MSF course - twice the first time I took it (and was asked to leave), once the second. I passed, just barely, and really wondered if I could actually ride a motorcycle. I bought a Rebel to practice on and everything seemed fine so, after a month, I bought a bigger bike. I got it home from the dealership okay, but dumped it in a turn the next day. My husband was panicked, the onlookers were panicked, but I was okay, physically. Mentally, I questioned whether I had done the right thing. I live 2 miles from work, and I rode the bike to work the following week. I fell over in the parking lot, as I turned to back into a parking space. One of my brand-new employees saw me and helped get the bike off my leg and helped me get the bike up. (Great first impression as a boss, eh?) Never told hubby as I knew he'd be worried about my abilities. The next weekend we took a ride and I got caught at a stop light. Had to decide whether to follow hubby through at a yellow light with traffic congested ahead - decided not to - forks weren't straight - toppled over - three nice guys helped me up - met hubby further up the road. I wrestled with whether to tell him or not but he saw me checking the bike for damage so I told him. He worries for my safety and I worried that he wouldn't let me go on nice long rides with him. The funny thing was I was feeling more confident about everything except turning at slow speeds, when I would uncontrollably tip over. Hubby noticed that my front wheel "flops" very quickly and wants to pull the bike over. He did some research and learned that bikes like ours with their long forks have this tendency. Knowing the bike's tendency I was able to control it. I spent time in a parking lot just "pushing left to go left; pushing right to go right". With the long rake you really have to push on the handlebars. I've ridden a few times now without tipping it over. I'm almost ready to contact the dealership to replace all the bits I've bent & scraped. Shadow Rider, if someone like me can do this I know you can too. Get to know your bike - learn its tendencies - keep practicing. You'll get there!! Good luck and keep the shiny side up. – Amy K. (note from Mama: yes, the exact handling characteristics of a motorcycle are different for each make/model and I'm so glad you pointed out a specific example!) Hi Shadow Rider. You are doing great! Like Mama said, get some tennis balls and practice in the parking lot. Some people don't try to ride on the roads until they get their permit. I think it is awesome you did! As for the jerk in the cage, don't let him bother you! What could he do to you? He can't run you over, that is prison time! If he was smart, and obviously, he is NOT, he should have noticed that you were new to this and just went around you. Even experienced riders have problems out of jerks in cages. You will get there! – Me&MyShadow. (note from Mama: I think someone once suggested a sign for the back of a jacket saying New Rider, Back Off ... but others said it might actually cause others to purposefully "go after" a new rider because there are meanies out there. Hmmm ...) In response to Shadow Rider's predicament: take the Rider's Edge program for new riders ( usually through a Harley Davidson dealership ). This is a much better way to go than the state sponsored courses. They are longer and have fewer students. I just finished my course tonight. I had never been on a bike before, and in 5 days have learned the skills necessary for operating a bike safely. I finished the riding skills portion yesterday, came home, geared up, and jumped on my Ninja 650R, and took a ride --with confidence and skill. There's still lots of practice needed, but solid core skills were taught in that class. It was an awesome learning experience. I would recommend it to everyone wanting to get on a bike. Good Luck !! – Fellow Chick Biker. (note from Mama: many note that taking a second class can be very beneficial and I agree that not all courses are created quite equal, so it pays to shop around if the area has more than one offering or even if another offering seems awesome and you have to travel a bit for it.) Wednesday, August 20 For Amy K. on the Shadow and learning handling characteristics of a motorcycle: My second bike was a V-Star 650 which is similar to the Shadow and found that it was a bit much for me on the stopping part. I am 5'2" and 105 lbs and almost 50 years old. I dropped the bike twice and that was enough for me to go back to a trike. I have a lot more confidence in my abilities and stopping short in emergencies. My husband does not worry about me at all now. I have logged about 10,000 miles in the last 4 years and have loved every minute of it! The trike also allows me to ride a much bigger bike. I have a Valkyrie which is a big 6 cylinder 1000 lb bike. The trike attracts more attention than my husband's Valkyrie. If not for the trike, then I think that the correct bike for me would be a Buell Blast or a Rebel which would not keep up with my husband or have as comfortable of a ride. I have ridden my husband and friends on the trike, something that I would never attempt on a 2 wheel. Years ago a 650cc or 750cc bike was a big bike and fit a couple. Now I am amazed at the big bikes that women ride. I applaud those that can handle them, but in no way do I feel that I am not as cool or as capable on my trike! – Vicki (note from Mama: we have had a number of "struggle" letters in which the rider tries another make/model, or as you did, moves to a trike. The moment of clarity is different in each situation, but thank you for letting Amy know that sometimes a change makes all the difference in riding joy!) Friday, August 22 Dear VTwin Mama, Before I started riding, I had a lifelong fear of motorcycles (I used to be a very timid and shy person in general). I watched my brother flip a bike over a stone wall and into a tree when I was a little kid (surprisingly, he was OK, but the bike and the tree weren't). I grew up listening to my mother tell me that motorcycles were deathtraps - a coffin on two wheels - because my other brother had a horrible accident in which he got hit by a semi and got all tangled up in his bike as he went flying down the road. He was very badly injured, and broke most of the bones on the left side of his body. He had several skin grafts, a body cast, and a few hundred stitches to put him back together. When I was fourteen, I watched a drunk biker (no one that I knew, but the accident still left its mark on me) lose control, slide sideways, and wrap his bike around a tree at about 70 miles per hour, just a short distance from where I was standing. I actually felt the breeze from him going by me. The noise of him hitting that tree sounded like an explosion. I'll never forget that sound. I still hear it in my dreams sometimes, seventeen years later. He hit the tree head first and was killed on impact. When I was eighteen, I decided to be brave and face my fear. I had an acquaintance who had a motorcycle and he offered me a ride on it. I didn't know better than to get on the bike with him - he owned one so I assumed he knew how to control it (we aren't so wise when we're young, are we?). He was extremely inexperienced, foolish, and overconfident. He didn't know how to ride with a passenger, he didn't know how to lean or brake properly, and he yelled at me the whole time to stay still and not move because he was afraid that I would make him wreck. Talk about terrifying! I don't know how we kept that bike upright. I couldn't wait to get off and go find somewhere safe to break down and cry. My confidence was shattered. I had nightmares about that ride for several years. To me, motorcycles meant death. That belief lasted for another ten years. I shuddered every time I saw someone (especially another woman) riding one. Then I met my husband, and his motorcycle-loving family. Eventually, he talked me into climbing on the back of his brother's crotch rocket (my hubby didn't have his own bike at the time). The only reason I said yes to the ride was because I loved and trusted him so much. I knew that, while he loves to play hard on his bikes, he is extremely responsible and is aware of the risks that he takes every time he rides one. He doesn't go fast around traffic or where he might endanger someone. I had seen him take that rocket down the road in excess of a hundred miles per hour (during which time I was sweating with fear for him), and I was terrified of it. But, to my relief, he took it easy and we had a slow, pleasant little ride. I came back with a big smile that I was still alive and, amazingly, still in one piece. Poor him, he came back with bruises on his arms and sides from my fingers gripping him. Over time, I got the courage to go on longer and faster rides with him, until I actually looked forward to getting on the pillion seat (for the first year or so, I was too nervous to actually relax and enjoy the ride). My brother-in-law wanted to sell his 2003 Honda 919, after having a rather bad wreck on it. He had been drinking, and foolishly tried to ride his bike home. He hit some gravel on a tight curve and lost it. The bike was undamaged, except for some minor scratches on the side where it had slid up the road, and a crankcase that had to be replaced. My brother-in-law was hurt though, and spent a few days in the hospital for broken bones and severe road rash. After that, he was deathly afraid of the bike, and bought a slower cruiser for him and his wife to ride. Believe it or not, I desperately wanted this bike. I wanted to learn to ride it. Even though my brother-in-law, an experienced rider, was terrified of it. It was a personal challenge to me. Someone had labeled this particular bike as a deathtrap, and I was going to own it and conquer it. So we bought it for about half of its actual value, much to my husband's delight (he had been wanting to buy us a bike for a long time). The first time I sat on it in a parking lot and started the ignition, I was shaking so hard that my teeth were chattering. The old fear that I had buried for so long came rushing back. I wanted to cry, but I concentrated instead on listening to my husband's instructions, and before too long I was rolling. And guess what? It wasn't that bad! As a matter of fact, it was even sort of enjoyable. I sped up a little and tried leaning some little curves. By the time I worked my way up to second gear, the smile had started. I rode until my hands were numb from working the controls. I was grinning like an idiot (and so was my husband) by the time I finally got off the bike. I dropped it once (trying to learn how start on a hill), and scared myself so badly that I was tempted to give the whole thing up. But I kept at it, and before too long I fell hopelessly in love. (Both with riding, and with the bike itself, which is an extremely comfortable and fun bike for me.) Especially when my hubby bought a brand new 2008 Hayabusa (his dream bike), and took me for a death-defying ride on Blood Mountain (I rode pillion). We rounded those curves so fast and hard that I could have reached out and touched the pavement. I wasn't scared - it was exhilarating. I wanted to go faster, harder, and I didn't want to ever stop. We pushed that bike over 150 on a straightaway (which a 'Busa does effortlessly), and I laughed so hard that I couldn't see for the tears. Feeling all of that unbelievable speed and power beneath me lit a flame in my soul. Who knew I was a speed demon at heart? I knew that if we crashed at that speed, it was over. But we have lived a good life, we have absolute trust in one another, and we were doing what we loved. Whatever happened, we would face it together. Our marriage has improved a hundredfold (which I didn't even think was possible, since it was already perfect) because we have learned to work as a team and have so much fun riding that 'Busa together. It takes both of us to balance it on extreme curves at high speeds, and that has taught me a lot about courage and control. So of course, I am now working on building my own skill up to be able to ride at his level (he has a lot of experience under his belt, and rode for eight years until he finally felt confident enough to buy a 'Busa). I don't rush myself - I learn at my own pace and don't push beyond what I know I can handle, but I am definitely an eager student. My little 919 might not be a 'Busa, but it can keep up most of the time. It's a respectable bike, with its 1000 fuel-injected cc's. Plenty of power for a beginner to learn and play a little on, but still easy for me to handle. It's always funny when we pull up to a traffic light or gas station. You can tell which type of bike people like - old school classic like mine, or high-tech hypermachine like his - by which one they admire the most. Apparently the 919 is a local favorite around here in Tennessee - we have had a lot of offers to buy my bike from people who say they can't find one anywhere. It's a good all-around bike and I wouldn't trade it for the world, though I might trade it for a new 'Busa someday. I haven't had the courage to ride the 'Busa by myself yet (my hubby really wants me to, but knows as well as I do that I'm not ready for it), but I will someday. I sit on it sometimes when no one's looking (I could never admit, of course, that I make vroom-vroom noises while doing this), and pretend that I'm flying down the road on it. The feeling of sitting on a machine like that is hard to describe. All of that potential power and muscle lurking beneath you, just waiting to be unleashed. It's like sitting on a coiled spring, even with it turned off and the kickstand down. The 'Busa reminds me of a panther, sleek, purring, dark, deadly, and surprisingly graceful. It makes me smile and get an excited little shiver just to look at it. I don't know what the fierce attraction to fast bikes is. Maybe it's because I am taking control and gaining power over the thing that terrified me more than anything else in the world (and the 'Busa is the ultimate representation of my fear). Maybe it's because I am learning that I can ride my very own motorcycle, and that I won't actually don't fly right off of the curvy roads, which I was afraid of at first. Maybe it's because my husband loves them and that passion rubbed off on me. I can't get enough of motorcycles in general, and the freedom and sheer joy of riding them on the open road. Maybe I really am a speed demon at heart, and the fear was just the end result of a run of very bad luck. But I know one thing. The motorcycle-related tragedies that I have experienced have instilled a deep respect for these amazing machines and the people who learn to ride them. That drunk driver that I watched die is there in the corner of my mind every time I ride. These tragedies are a lesson, keeping me aware of what could happen if I ever forget myself and don't ride responsibly. I am a better and more careful rider for it. I am also a much happier and more confident person. Now, I am outgoing, and can't wait to go out on a ride with my husband so I can wave at all of the other people out there enjoying the wind and sun with us. So, if have something that you are deathly afraid of, remember that anyone can conquer a fear, if they keep at it. I triumphed over mine, and someday, eventually, I will ride that 'Busa. I'm looking forward to it. – Mairi Dear Mairi, Friday, August 22 Don't let those insensitive cage drivers get to you! I was afraid of them myself when I first started riding, but I realized I have just as much of a right to be on the roads as they do. I also have a Honda Shadow. This is my second full summer of riding my bike and I still prefer the country roads. Last summer, I was afraid to get on the bike after a long Michigan winter. I had to start all over again by duck-walking the bike in the driveway. Amazingly, everything came back to me.. Now, every time I go out, even if it is for just a few miles, it gets better and better and I feel more confident. I still do not like to venture out too far by myself, so I just go around the block a few times. This helps me with my turns from a stop, which are the biggest problem for me. I also found that talking out loud to myself on what I have to do and what I have to remember while riding helps me.. It may look silly to others, but it helps me tremendously and it may help you, too. Always remember to look where you want to go and the bike will follow. Do not look down at the bike. A few weeks ago, I was making left turn. A car was at the intersection to my left. As I made the turn in front of her, I fixed my eyes on the stop sign instead of where I wanted to go. As you can imagine, my bike started going to the sign post. I said out loud "look where you want to go, not at the sign" and my bike cleared the sign. This may seem like a small thing, talking to myself really helps. I purchased the Ride Like a Pro video. I would highly recommend this to you as well. Not only is it very informative, but the humor in it helps ease the jitters. Good luck and keep riding. Sometimes, the smallest steps are the BIGGEST steps!! You will do great!!!! – Petunia (note from Mama: thanks for sharing first-hand info so Shadow Rider knows she isn't alone! It occurs to me that it's also possible to enlist the help of a friend to follow in a cage ... that way one's back end is protected from ornery drivers and can reduce the tension.) Monday, August 25 From Shadow Rider who had a bit of jitters moving beyond the parking lot for a number of reasons: Thanks to you and all of your readers for all of your wonderful advice. Since writing to you I have been out on the road having fun. My Hubby was able to come home for a weekend from his job out of state and he followed me in the cage and I rode my bike into the next town which is about 14 miles away to get my bike inspected. Wow what a rush to get up to 50 mph. Whenever the jitters got to me I would just look in my mirror and there he was it made the trip a lot less stressful. I have been riding ever since, even over to my mother-in-laws solo and returning at dusk, a little scary, but still fun. Isn’t it funny how you can be very scared and still be having fun? I appreciate you starting this site; I would have been so lost without it these past weeks. So now thanks to hubby and you wonderful ladies, I can travel down that big scary road to the large parking lot to practice my turns and to the gas station to get gas and hopefully make the 1 ½ hour trip to work before the end of the riding season. Thanks again so very much! – ShadowRider55 (note from Mama: we are jazzed to hear that some enjoying words and advice from VTM readers as well as your hubby have moved you forward with more confidence ... sometimes those first hurdles are really high but with each successful practice or run, even a new hurdle doesn't block our view quite as easily! Good for you!) Monday, September 22 Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Deb, No matter whether it's our 1st bike or out 5th, it's important to take the time to get to know the specific handling characteristics of starts and stops, slow turns, the feel of the weight when pushing it forward or backward with our feet (for parking situations mostly), and the relationship of the clutch friction zone to the throttle action. For experienced riders, this doesn't take much time. For a new rider, these skills are best learned in a big empty parking lot, away from traffic. One does all the drills used in the course ... all over again from the beginning. Remember that duck walk? Start there! A controlled speed duck walk will get that clutch friction zone (where the transmission engages and disengages) well in hand, using the throttle to keep just that bit of gas going so the bike doesn't stall. On sport bikes, this friction zone can be a tad more difficult to master as it would appear to an experienced rider as a lot more touchy. That's because the first gear on a sport-style bike is different than a cruiser ... sport bikes are meant to jump off the line fast and the friction zone is very small. If you give the bike some steady gas and slowly let out the clutch, you'll soon know where that bike starts to engage for forward movement. Stalling or shuddering means not enough gas. It's the friction zone you must master and the duck walk will get you there. Remember to take a break every 10 minutes to relax your hands and let the bike cool down. Then work on smooth starts and stops in a straight line. Then big lazy loops. Work on each skill each practice session and you will start to polish things up on your BRAND NEW BIKE! When you are ready, map out a short street ride and do it on an early Sunday morning when traffic is light ... consider having another rider or even a friend in a car follow you so no one can crowd you from behind! You're on your way! Small steps will get you there! – Mama Thursday, September 25 Dear VTwin Mama, I felt so good that I bought myself a Yamaha 650 VStar. In the show room I sat on it and it felt very good and I fell in love with it. The day they delivered it I thought, "What was I thinking?" Well, it has been a year and I have ridden it about a dozen times (lousy weather in Toronto). I have an overwhelming fear of riding this bike. Just thinking about it I get nervous and butterflies in my stomach. I make up excuses why not to ride and I pray for rain. When I took the course I loved the feel of riding... maybe I am a 250 type of gal... which I can live with. Should I give it another try with a 250 or should I give up trying to ride? Please help me decide. – Confused in Toronto Dear Confused, The key now is to put together a battle plan, so let's do that together. From this letter, I noticed that you didn't mention that you have a significant other in your life that rides. In fact, this may extend further in that you really don't know any one in the area to turn to (at the moment). The mentoring you received in the training course, and the shared experience with your fellow classmates, boosted confidence but you also had clearly defined steps from the instructors. 1) Contact riding groups in your area, attend a meeting, introduce yourself, and find a mentor. Right off the bat I found the all-women Ontario Chrome Divas and Motor Maids, as well as the all-riders Southern Cruisers and the All Canadian Motorcycle Enthusiasts, And there are more! Feeling a bit unsure about making contact by email ... I found that these organizations each had a booth at the 2008 North American International Motorcycle Supershow in Toronto ... and the 2009 one is coming January 2-4! So now you can go to the show and visit booths, say hi, talk it out and move forward with a group that can assist you ... and bring that "yahoo, I've got riding buddies" feeling into the game plan! 2) Weather can hamper riding time and as you've noted, it's played a part in your overall experience thus far. Consider taking the course again next spring. That'll refresh the practice drills in your mind and then you can hop right onto your own bike, doing those exact drills. Perhaps you recall the various drills ... write them down on a sheet of paper and then put together small practice sessions to review each drill until you feel confident you're the master. Want a new source to guide you ... how about the Ride Like A Pro DVD? I think new riders are most challenged by the slow stuff ... starts, slow turns, etc. This DVD addresses those issues, gives you plenty of drills, and a whole lot more (including examples of why something is going wrong!). 3) Nervous butterflies ... heck, I still get them when I'm headed out sometimes. But when we take it as a negative it can feel overwhelming. Riding is as much mental as it is physical. The good news is that we can redirect our thinking about something. I call it positive visualization. The night before a practice session or ride, see yourself gearing up, approaching the bike, firing her up, and then heading out for the planned steps. See yourself doing each step with a positive result. Treat your butterflies as a sign that you're about to embark upon a wonderful adventure of discovery, because that is what learning to ride is ... each step takes you closer to your goal of riding with confidence and your dream of heading out to the open road to enjoy. 4) Write a positive message to yourself on a piece of paper and tuck it into your pants or riding jacket pocket. Pull it out whenever you need a reminder of what all this means to you. How about, "I Love A Challenge," or "Each Step Takes Me Closer To My Dream," or something similar. Is it possible you would benefit from getting a 250cc bike and doing some more practice on it? Yes. But I wouldn't take that step until you've had a heart-to-heart with yourself and drilled down to the actual factors that are at the heart of what's happening to you. This is different for each person. Be honest and the steps you need to take will become clear. I think that by writing in to the VTwin Mama site, you've taken the first step ... admitting that things aren't going as well as you want. That's good. Would you like to continue to talk it out ... how about joining the VTM Message Board ... introduce yourself and say what's happening, and the online support will immediately boost your confidence as there are many who "journal" there about the challenges they face. There is even a Goal Setting Journal section! And I think you'll find that there are several members from your area on the board! Ok, lots of ideas, things to ponder, and a battle plan to put together ... decide on the order of your action items and head out to the bike. A pat on the tank and declare out loud, "I'm working on how we're going to become a team." I swear ... bikes understand this! – Mama Wednesday, October 1 Dear VTwin Mama, I also just got back from Street Vibrations Sunday night (in Reno, NV) and boy what a difference a year makes. Last year I wrote in on how I felt so intimated and at one point I thought a girl club called me a loser because I was going so slow up the mountain. This year my husband had to keep up with me. We rode to Virginia City and Carson City. I went every where I wanted to with the skills I needed. Last year when we got to Reno I parked my bike and didn't want to get back on it till it was time to go home. I guess what I am saying to others is if you feel afraid or scared but still have the desire, stick with it and you find your comfort zone and then start riding for fun not fear. I am 4'8" and riding a Sportster in Novato, CA. Thanks for getting me through the rough times and I'm sure there will be more. – Janine Dear Janine, And look at you now ... handling all the twisties the Sierra Nevada mountain range can toss at you along with some death defying stuff around Reno ... been there and it takes some skill. Congrats on a great year of learning, polishing skills, sticking with it, and following your dream ... and many more happy road miles to you and your husband! – Mama Monday, November 3 Dear VTwin Mama, My question is, how do I get the confidence to go over 50mph? I know this is a stupid question, but I can't get over my nervousness and increase my confidence to ride on the interstate. I want to take a trip with my husband and need to go at least 75mph. My husband just says I need to keep practicing...I am sure that is correct, but any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, – Amy K. Dear Amy, It's all about baby steps. And a battle plan. First, examine all your issues with speed. Be honest. Some people are not comfortable with speed in any form. Perhaps you are unclear on your stopping skills from a higher speed. Or have you ridden in windy conditions and really felt the push against you and the bike? For some, higher speeds brings out gear issues (a helmet that now tugs at the strap or a jacket that balloons up, etc.). Next, examine all the issues with Interstate travel. We know speed is an issue for you, but this step may also include worries about curving entrance ramps, higher levels of traffic, and being with vehicles bigger than cars. Take out a piece of paper and make a chart with 4 columns. List each item of concern in the left. In the next block, write down if the challenge can be practiced in an empty parking lot, a low traffic time, or on a road you know well ... or even if a bit of passenger riding with discussion thereafter will assist you. In the third column consider your buffer zone ... which challenge can be better practiced with you leading the ride and which would benefit from having a bike or car shielding your backside so that no one can crowd you? The 4th column ... that's where you note the date you met the challenge to your satisfaction! Ok, you've got the raw battle plan together now. Take a look and decide which skill you need to polish first that will then help you with the next one. It could be go on well-known roads but during heavier traffic with car behind me. Or go to empty parking lot and work on quick stop skills and lazy turns marked by cones to mimic curvy entrance ramps. When you have a battle plan, you can minimize the overwhelming feeling by breaking it down into steps. Last but not least ... don't place an artificial timeframe on anything ... polish bit by bit and there will come a day where you're ready for a trip. It may or may not be in time for something you and hubby would like to attend in the near future ... don't worry ... there is always the next event! I promise! – Mama Sunday, November 30 Hello VTwin Mama, Now he wants ME to go riding with him. We have two small kids and I have a lot fears about getting hurt or killed and leaving them without parents. He has already bought me a helmet and a jacket! Everyone tells me not to worry and to enjoy life and I don't think he will take no for an answer. Any advice on getting past my fears? Thanks, – MParks Dear MParks, And therein lies the key to giving your husband's new found passion a try. Small steps. The first might be a short ride in the neighborhood on an early Sunday morning when there is no or very little traffic. 15 minutes, no high speeds, no big roads. How did it feel? What questions do you have? What concerns cropped up that he can shed light on how he would handle something? It will be important at all stages of your giving it a go that your husband understand that an honest and open dialog must be part of the process. No deep sighs, shrugging the shoulders, or incredulous grimaces on his part. And absolutely no making you feel small, stupid, or a worry-wart ... you have a question ... he has to answer it with patience, love, and kindness. Depending on how that first short ride goes, you can now indicate what you are comfortable to try next. More short neighborhood rides? A trip to an empty parking lot so he can demonstrate his control of the bike at slow speeds? Maybe it's that he takes the bike and you follow him in the car on a faster, heavier traffic, curvy road ride to see how it looks/feels. Whatever it is, together you build the plan and stick with it. Now I wish to address an aspect on his side of the equation. Did hubby dearest learn to ride years ago and is just getting back to it? Did he take a motorcycle riding course when he started 6 months ago? If yes, great. But whatever the pathway was, I would suggest he take the MSF Experienced RiderCourse. A rider, no matter how experienced, should always be interested in polishing skills. This applies to solo riders as well as those who will be taking a passenger. In doing this, he demonstrates his commitment to becoming the safest and most skilled rider possible. It is also important that a newer rider acknowledge that taking a passenger is not just a "get on and go" situation. A motorcycle handles very differently with a pillion rider (passenger) ... and yes, the pillion is in fact, a rider. Here is the link to the MSF's Carrying a Passenger Quick Tips sheet (2 pages, PDF format). Print it out and read through it together. Discuss. Build your plan. Always remember that no one can make you do something your really don't want to do. If at any stage of giving riding a try you feel like it's really not working out, then be straightforward and say so. You don't have to go on and on defending yourself. A simple, "I don't feel this is right for me right now," will suffice. You already ARE enjoying life. Enough said! And finally, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Many women report that they wanted to ride but delayed entering the sport until the kids were grown. Many never wanted to try, but when they gave it a shot they found it was really quite wonderful. Many tried it and decided it wasn't for them. There are as many combinations to entering/exiting the adventure in motorcycle riding as there are people! I hope I have given you a number of viewpoints, thoughts, and ideas so that you can move forward with confidence and clarity, no matter what pathway you choose. If you do decide to give it a try and find yourself in need of a community of supportive women who acknowledge both the solo and pillion rider, then register at the VTwin Mama Message Board. You will be able to chat away in complete honesty and get fast feedback, including validation about how you feel. That's important and we stand by to share and care! – Mama
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