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Bikers
Haven Accident
Scene Management |
2001 Dear VTwin Mama, Just a bit more background before I get to my question. Last October, my husband was involved in a bike wreck. Some idiot turned left into him. His lower left leg was severed on impact and his neck and arm were broken, not to mention the loss of a beautiful '74 Sportster. He is, today, doing well with no permanent damage from his broken neck. He wears a fake leg and has already put some 6,000 miles on his bike this year (hardcore or what?!). In the relearning process, he has dropped his bike several times, a couple times with me on it. The confidence I feel on my own bike, disappears when I get on the bike
with him. It's not that I question his skill, but his ability. I am aware
of all the miles he has logged this year but when I get on the back of his
bike, I feel very nervous. I want to show him that I believe in him, but I
can't shake the jitters. So, my question becomes, how do I regain the
level of ease that I once had as a passenger? –
Cathy Let's consider an important question. Has your husband in anyway suggested that by not riding passenger now, you are questioning his manhood/ machismo/ abilities/ etc.? Or are you taking that burden on yourself because you thought it would be a good way to show support? If it's the first, it feels like unfair pressure. If it's the second, maybe you can find another way to show your support without shattering your own nerves. Another point of interest -- have you tried riding passenger with someone else since the accident, meaning that in general you are wary of not having full control, not just behind your husband? Could be that the few dumps you experienced have jittered you anytime you're not the captain of your own ship? That would be a useful experiment to try. Last, 6000 miles is an awful lot, but those are solo miles. Anyone adding a passenger to their bike clearly alters the handling of the bike and all maneuvers associated. Perhaps take a riding course together, under the tutelage of an instructor, who can watch your body positions in tandem and more quickly spot the imbalances and make suggestions. So that's a thought. Well see what the readers have to add to these suggestions. – Mama Tuesday, August 21 Dear VTwin Mama, Once I got my own bike and started riding, I don't like
to ride with my husband at all. And I don't! (Unless I would HAVE to for
some reason, and then I would pout). For some reason now that I have
become master of my own control I get very nervous riding pillion. And
also I think my husband likes it that way. It's much more fun to ride
solo, maybe that's why he told me to get my own bike (and I thought it was
my idea!) . So like VTwin Mama says, maybe it has nothing to do with
your husband's ability but more to do with you. Maybe you just feel the
power and love of riding, explain that to your husband, and just maybe
he will think he has a "cool" wife. Anyway, good luck
in however you handle it. – Barbara Thursday, August 23 Dear VTwin Mama, I appreciate the sensitivity you are showing towards
your husband and I have faith you will work out this situation. BTW, this
weekend was my first "group" ride. Rode with five other bikes
and had a great time! Traveled through some foothills and
"curvy" roads. My only mistake was when stopped at a red light
on an incline (ugh!) and was really nervous about starting without rolling
back or dropping the bike. Well, I got started OK, but in 2nd gear! haha
Good thing my old Sporty can handle that kind of abuse! Again, to
vtwinmama, I love this site! – Sharon in Georgia Kudos on your group ride. Check the Riding Technique Archives for other articles on stopping on an upgrade. Lots of good info there. – Mama Wednesday, August 29 Dear VTwin Mama and Cathy (who has
an interesting passenger/rider challenge), Soon after this, I got my own bike and after he saw how
well I was doing on it and how much I was enjoying it, he admitted that he
preferred riding alone - no one else to worry about and more freedom to
"dance" the bike when he felt the urge. I still ride behind him
once in awhile when our son wants to ride with us on my bike (he's getting
his own soon - yea!) It isn't nearly as much fun as riding my own bike,
but I think it lets hubby know that I still trust him and that means
a lot to our 29-yr marriage. Even our friends teasing him that I got
my own bike because of the wreck doesn't bother him because he knows I'll
jump on behind him anytime. Hope this helps you and that you both have a
great time exploring the back roads of this beautiful country of ours.–
Sharon Thursday, October 25 Dear VTwin Mama, Today it was in the high 50's and windy....but no
rain.....so I got to take my maiden voyage on it. WOW......it is
absolutely wonderful! It may be bigger and heavier than the previous 2
bikes I have had in the last 5 years, but it handles better than either
one of the smaller ones did! I think I am in LOVE!
Fortunately, my husband (Jim) is not the jealous type. Hee Hee... He
has been great throughout this time without a bike to ride by taking me
for long rides on his beautiful Valkyrie! What a life!!! Have a great day
and thank you for one of the best web sites ever. –
Betty (aka Bootygrandma) And about what a great website I've put together and how I should be nominated for the Pres . . . oh, was that taking it a bit too far? Well, we get the drift and I appreciate the atta girl. Let's not forget that this site is fueled by the women who read it, the women who participate in the forum, but on a deeper level, all the women who have ever looked at a bike and said, "Why not me?" We are ALL so fantastic, don't you think?! Well of course we are. – Mama Dear VTwin Mama, Fatal Motorcycle Accident in Sumner County Tennessee How in the hell can Tennessee just issue a ticket for failure to yield? This driver took the life of a 23 yr old fellow rider. I see articles like this often & it just burns me up. This just happened this past Tuesday night, & in the next county from me. My husband & I both ride, & I asked him, is it going to cost us our life, just because we love to ride? Thank you for letting me speak my mind. – Pcmystic Dear Pcmystic, The fact is, with today's laws, we as riders take extra risk being on the road. Only law can change this, and only active participants who lobby their legislators, etc. can make this a priority. It's not easy. Check with AMA and MRF to see where they are on these types of initiatives and if there is some way you can make a difference. – Mama Friday, September 20 For PCMystic about accidents and the injustice of some punishments: I think the same thing happens when cage meets cage too. A slap on the wrist for the offending driver. It's not right, but it happens. Most we can do out there is remember to forget about them looking for you. You look for them. – Foxee While I know that cage people get less punishment when
they kill a biker, that stinks. I also am wondering if the two examples
you pointed out are all that happened. Killing 5 people and only a ticket.
I doubt it, at the least the driver was charged with involuntary
manslaughter. As far as the driver turning left in front of the young man,
if it happened that morning then the cops are still investigating
everything so that the charges will stick. Then they are turned into the
prosecutor who makes the decision to charge the individual. There are many
police that ride as well as fire fighters. They want people who kill
bikers to be charged as much as we do. Unfortunately, some bikers I know
that have been killed have been drinking. While this shouldn't let the
killer off, it does cast doubt on the biker. The times are changing more
and more. Cage drivers are getting their deserved punishment for hitting
a biker. We still have a long way to go. Love your e-mag. It definitely does suck, trying to be tactful here, how we are respected in an accident situation. The main reasons for this are stereotypical and the greed of insurance companies. The mom and pop in the car think we are outlaws by the media and law enforcement portrayal of us. They've been taught that motorcycles are "the problem", such dangerous vehicles that don't belong sharing the road. They, and now their daughters and sons, were never given much training on sharing the road, if any. Many law enforcement, NOT ALL, believe pretty much the same thing and consider it just another slimy biker off the road. But all is not lost. We have made many in-roads into this situation, although slowly, through our work in motorcycle rights groups and by having attorneys who involve themselves primarily in motorcycle accidents and rights. Becoming involved, on our own with our own dollars, in awareness programs in the school driver education classes (because the schools and the material presented to them from the highway sources would barely address the motorcycle, if at all). As well as Public campaigns such as billboards and the "Share the Road" program have helped to make us more visible. It is ironic, though, how a cage driver can spot a child on a bicycle 3 blocks down (and I'm GLAD they do) but not see an 800 pound motorcycle with a 200 pound person on it a few hundred feet in front of them. This awareness has helped to alleviate some accidents but what about when one happens. "Pcmystic's" situation, unfortunately, is VERY common. My personal experience with an accident was in Tennessee, also, and just as bad except I survived, thank God. But ten years ago the officer refused to give the gentleman a ticket basically, point blank, because the violator was 83 years old and I was just a quote "dirty biker". I was conscious and asked about a ticket and the officer told me there was no question it was his fault but if I wanted a ticket that "I" could go down to the courthouse and file a civil ticket, after I got out of the hospital that is. This even though the gentleman had run off 5 bikes to the side, I was the unlucky farthest outside one trying to shift right over out of the way, and a station wagon who landed on the median almost in the ditch trying to get out of the way of a man that ran a stop sign and turned left in front of all these vehicles. He continued down the road with the bike hung underneath with my boys pulling him over as his 78 year old girlfriend was beating him on the arm telling him "I told you, you HIT somebody!" as he says "I thought I had a flat tire". What to do then? Hire a LAWYER, I know that's an ugly word that nobody likes, but over the last fifteen years has assisted the downed biker from being "just" a greasy spot on the road. As much as some find that career distasteful these attorneys are about the only ones that fought for us and brought it out to the forefront that "it is NOT illegal to be a biker"! That quote comes from A.I.M. (Aid to Injured Motorcyclists), you've saw the bumper stickers I'm sure. They have gotten us what was due when insurance offered a pittance for someone's life or limb and some law enforcement shunned us like second class citizens. They put a substantial portion of their fees to fund the National Coalition of Motorcyclists (NCOM), where membership is free, and were the first of their type to do so and are STILL doing it years later. They work with states' rights groups all over the country to bring problems to light and get good motorcycles laws passed. And not just with, directly, cage accidents but indirect causes such as rock-flying covered load laws and having bad road conditions recognized. When you are dealing with the big guns of insurance you need some good ammunition yourself and A.I.M. provides that when it is possible. Let's be real, you can't be going 100 mph and side swipe a car and expect payment but when you deserve it they will work to get it for you if it is there. So, overall, my suggestion to any rider, BEFORE or after an accident, is to JOIN the national organizations of AIM-NCOM, MRF and AMA and their own states' rights group to affect the change necessary in the laws that still make it OK to have open season on motorcyclists. And should you have an accident, contact A.I.M. because they STILL put dollars back into the motorcycle world or another attorney, should you so desire, but "just do it" and protect yourself legislatively and judicially the best you can. Yes, I have been involved with ALL these groups, at times, over the years and no, this is not a paid advertisement for any of them. Just the voice of experience. Wishing you all safe journeys and freedom, God Bless, – Darlene "BJ" Bish, Undaunted M/C (Women's Motorcycle Club), over the years a member of AIM, NCOM, MRF, AMA, Confederation of Clubs of So. Cal, CMT/ABATE of TN, Abate of CA, ABATE/CMRO, ABATE of Ohio and assisted with more. Not anymore in Missouri. After my husband's cousin was killed in the same situation. His group, the FORR, got together and pushed through legislation to cover that situation. It's called Clutch's Law. You can now be jailed for failure to yield in the state of Missouri. – Traci Stroud Most people don't like it, but criminal law isn't the solution for all deaths. Sometimes driving "sucks", kills people, but isn't criminal, even though those people are dead. What is left is the civil judicial system. That is not a "nothing". That is punishment of a different kind. – Kathy Collings Monday, December 30 Dear VTwin Mama, Which is great because I know no other female riders or any other females that really are serious about wanting to learn and owning their own bikes and that is very hard because I am so excited about the whole thing and no one but the guys to talk to. The guys are great, very supportive and full of info. but it is just not the same. Not to mention most of the women here seem to be the about the same age as my self (turned 40 last June) and are at about the same point in their lives as I am. My son is 17 and will be graduating high school this coming June, and then leaving for the Marines shortly after graduation. My husband has a bike and I always ride on the back and although I have talked in the past about taking the course I was never really serious about it. But this past spring my husband had an accident on his bike and the bike was in the shop for a while not to mention he was not up to riding for a short time. Then we got the bike back and had a couple of short months to ride before he had to have surgery to repair damage to his shoulder from the wreck. Add in the fact we do not always have the same days off and he is a motorcycle cop which means he does not always want to ride at work for 10 hours drive the 50 minutes home and come in the door and have to take me for a ride. (who would blame him for that) So I decided enough is
enough. If I wanted to go for a ride then I was going to have to be the
one who took the steps to make it happen. So I am and I cannot wait for
winter to be over with so I can put the ball in motion. And if learning to
ride and buying our own motorcycles is one way we women deal with mid life
than I say Good For Us. I cannot think of any better way to express
ourselves at this time in our lives than taking on a new challenge, over
coming the fear and obstacles of learning something new to obtain our own
piece of freedom and self expression, all the while creating a great common
bond we can share with our "better halves." Dear Laura, Thanks soooo much for sharing your own personal story -- because you are right -- when we share, we create a bond and find out how much our hopes and dreams are similar to others. And when we share the trials and tribulations that accompany any great undertaking, we don't feel so isolated when a challenge presents itself. Whatever it may be! As you've probably already seen, there are a ton of links to women riding clubs as well as riding/safety courses, books and magazines for women riders and much more on this site. It's all there for the navigating. Have a great winter exploring your options and formulating your plan for spring. You can do it and we look forward to hearing more from you as you begin your odyssey into the world of solo riding. It's a great trip! – Mama Monday, January 13 Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Kawni, Yes, accidents happen, but that's life -- and accidents aren't solely reserved for riders. Ask your instructor for suggestions of local riding groups that you can join so that you are surrounded by experienced, positive-minded riders who can help you continue your "education." And don't try "expert" riding maneuvers until you've got the basics firmly under your belt. Nice and slow and you'll get there! For those people in your life who continue to question your judgment, take the high road. Thank them for their concerned opinion, let them know the things you are doing to ensure your safety, and then put on your best smile and tell them the choices you make in your life are exactly that -- YOUR CHOICE. Let's face it -- if we didn't do things that interested us because others said negative things -- we'd never get anywhere! – Mama Dear VTwin Mama, On impact I suddenly knew I broke my hand but forgot it upon reaching my husband. He was alive and regaining consciousness. At that point training took over, I am a medic. He was on his right side and I cradled his head in my arm while holding his belt loop with my other to stabilize his spine in case of injury. I told myself that it was going to be a long time before the ambulance got there. It always feels like forever. There were cops and first responders there in minutes. The ambulance was right behind them. They were all wonderful! I can’t remember faces but I will never forget their care. And that was before they knew my husband is a cop too. After the ambulance ride to a local ER then a helicopter ride to a better equipped hospital, two weeks in and out of the Trauma and Life Support unit, 14 hours of surgery for reconstructive surgery on his hip and wrist and skin grafts for places Despite the rocky ride of the past several months we miss our bikes terribly. Beautiful days have gone by and we ogle the few brave souls out on their bikes in 30 degree weather in the sunshine. We occasionally discuss riding again and at first we are gung ho and can’t wait for him to heal so we can hit the roads again. After a few minutes reality creeps back in and we realize how lucky we are to be alive. We continue to read motorcycle publications and have picked out our future bikes already but I hate to admit that we’re both really scared this might happen again. We realize anything can happen at anytime. It could happen in a car or at work or it could just be a massive heart attack. You never know. Even if we do get back out there I’m afraid of what I saw. I can still see the crash happening like it was yesterday; I don’t even have to close my eyes. Mercifully he has amnesia to the entire event. His memory is of hitting an invisible wall then “waking up” in the ambulance. Just a couple more notes of this incident. The driver of the car was on his cell phone. Our lawyer has been great. Our vehicle and health insurance companies have been wonderful and prompt with payments. My family, who live out of state, has been incredibly supportive; my parents made the 8 hour drive the day of, my Mom stayed with me until my husband was discharged home from the rehab unit. My sister lost her job because she chose to stay with me for two weeks after the crash and help me move to a new apartment. My husband belongs to a motorcycle club called the Blue Knights who are active and retired police officers. The Blue Knights held a fundraiser for us for medical expenses not covered by insurance. They have also been incredibly supportive of us throughout the entire ordeal. And one last thing. We love to ride without helmets. It was supposed to rain on the second day of our trip and we just happened to be wearing them when the crash occurred. There was considerable damage done to the front of his helmet and had he not been wearing it he may have survived the crash but as a squash or maybe an eggplant. I am not a religious person - and I still am not - but I feel damn lucky. Friends and coworkers say we should leave well enough alone and not ever ride again. My family was here for me throughout and steadfast. How could I ever put them through that again? I’m not looking for a definitive answer. There isn’t one. I’m asking for opinions and experiences of all who read your website. Has anyone had an experience like this? How did you deal with it? How did you manage to get back out on the road again. The bikes were so much a part of our life and we miss them terribly. There was an article in the last issue of Woman Rider magazine. It was a short and well written article but only dealt with a few women in somewhat similar situations and had a narrow viewpoint. I don’t think I need a shrink. Just some advice from any Mamas out there with experience from which to speak. Thank you for taking the time to share my story. I appreciate your time. – Jennifer Dear Jennifer, I can appreciate that sometimes you want so much to ride again and on the other hand realize that you're alive and maybe shouldn't tempt fate again. I myself have only experienced near miss accidents that could have turned out horribly wrong, but by some stoke of luck (and maybe a good guardian angel), didn't. I can see that a shrink isn't necessarily your choice for helping you to resolve your dual thoughts (to ride or not to ride again). I checked on the Internet for support groups, but really couldn't find anything. I'm certainly am NOT a qualified medical person, but I'm thinking your need to "talk it out" is evident, or you wouldn't have written in. Perhaps your doctor/hospital can recommend an "accident survivors group" -- not necessarily motorcycle accident survivors, but people who gone through the invisible wall and lived. For instance, if someone survived a horrible car accident, does that mean they'll never get behind the wheel of a car again? In this "safe" setting, you can both explore your dual thoughts, concerns about family members who are hoping you'll never ride again, etc. Please consider it. I know that my sister, who has battled illness for most of her adult life, finds it useful to talk with people experiencing the same disease, and share her feelings. Her husband is a great source of strength, but can't necessarily share all her thoughts because he simply isn't the one experiencing it. I applaud your courage and strength through this all. Readers, you should know that Jennifer and her husband live in south central Wisconsin, just outside of Madison. Her husband has been riding for about 10 years, and Jennifer started riding with him four years ago before riding her own bike for the last two. As always, any insights you can offer is greatly appreciated, and I'm willing to pass on your email address for anyone who would like to correspond directly with Jennifer to offer more in-depth support. – Mama Wednesday, January 22 For Jennifer and her
husband re: their horrible motorcycle accident: I wonder how much gear you were wearing at the time in addition to the helmets. Leathers are probably too hot for where you live but there is great tech gear available in light colours with vents for cooling and plenty of armour. Combine this with riding at cooler times of the day. Maybe the gear will give you the security that would help? Maybe you could also try advanced rider training that covers emergency steering and braking and how to overcome target fixation. Knowledge is power. You could also go along to a local club such as WIMA or Women on Wheels if you have those in the area. Good luck. – Judith Symonds, Lower Hutt, New Zealand (note from Mama: thanks for your insights -- every bit helps!) Friday, January 24 Though I have dumped my bike a couple of times, I've never been in a real bad accident. I can't imagine the fear you are going through right now. I am though going to tell you that life is full of risks. If it isn't a motorcycle, it would be a car that you'd have an accident in next or maybe just going for a walk and a car or motorcycle hits you. When or if you get your new bikes, just take it slow. One day at a time. Though the accident was not you two's fault, take a experienced rider safety course to help you regain some of the confidence and love of riding that you once felt. Think positive thoughts and push the bad thoughts behind and good luck. – Foxee (note from Mama: taking, or retaking a course is a good idea -- allows accident victims to slowly take up riding again in a safe environment and assure themselves of their own skills, and even improve them. Thanks for your insight and general support.) I also have been in a similar situation, however it was all my fault -- not paying attention while riding down the road -- ran into my Dad who was setting on the side of the road waiting -- at 55 miles per hour. I also do not remember most of the situation, God is Gracious. Well anyway, after 3 hours in the ER and coming out a literal scab for the most part, this was close to 25 or so years ago I was also riddled as to want I wanted to ride again. However I firmly believe that if I would have listened to them I would not have enjoyed my life as much as I have. Today I am an instructor for the Motorcycle Safety Foundation, and being in Michigan, can only teach basically in Summer months. My suggestion is to take a MSF course -- get back on the bikes but in more of a controlled way and see if the fire for riding is still there. Plus, you will receive a lot of teaching and support from those in the classes. Many people take the course to get their courage back up after a crash. And some go back to riding, or decide not to ride anymore -- either way it takes the fear away sort of getting back on the horse thing. Any way, I am also a Pastor, so if you need to talk, feel free to email me directly. I pray this helps.– Pastor Freak (note from Mama: thank you for sharing a different kind of accident story -- and having the courage to tell it. I agree that taking, or retaking, a motorcycle course could ease the path into riding again with renewed confidence. I'll pass your email address on to Jennifer.) Jennifer would greatly benefit from talking it out with Cindy Sandor. She too had a bad accident, but she managed to deal with it and now writes Cindy's Saddlebags for Biker Ally as well as hosts a TV show in the Tampa, Florida area called Lady Rider. At one time, she was going to use the $ from her accident to invest in a house. My husband told her she "can't ride a house." Within weeks she was back in the saddle again. It was not easy for her but with friends to support and encourage her, she made her come back. By the way, in this particular situation, what would the outcome have been had they been riding in a car? Hugs – Bootygrandma, aka Betty (note from Mama: I remember reading Cindy's account of her accident and subsequent journey back into riding -- I'll pass on Cindy's email address to Jennifer. Yes, had this been a car accident, would one never drive a car again? Still, motorcycle riding can be seen as "optional," yet a passion deep within our collective hearts -- but we're seeing by the responses that many people HAVE found their way back into riding -- and it's possible to do so with joy.) Back in November of 1994 My fiancée was out riding to pick up my son's birthday present. I had unexpectedly gotten call in to work for a few hours, and while I was there I got the phone call no one ever wants to get. Jeff had been in a motorcycle accident. Someone in a minivan ran a stop sign and he didn't have enough time to stop. He hit the side of the van and flew about 30 feet after going through the windshield of the bike, then into the windshield of the van and through the air. We live in New York and we have a helmet law, but he only wears a beanie style helmet, which flew off his head. He miraculously had minor injuries stitches, road rash bumps and bruises etc, His bike was totaled and he really suffered post traumatic stress especially when he saw some one in an intersection coming from the right. Any way, his dad was visiting us with his bike a year later and Jeff finally mustered the courage to try riding again. He went around the block and came back told me to grab my helmet and off we went for about a 2 hour ride. After that he bought a new bike and we are now riding again like we used to. So keep your chin up and give it a try and I bet you two will in time get back to riding. If you want to correspond further, please feel free. – Viki (note from Mama: boy, can I relate to the "mental" trigger point of fear -- anything resembling where I once had an accident still to this day sets me off a tad -- but I continue to work through the fear point -- 'cause I just love riding way too much. So this shows us that it's normal to feel this way and takes time to divide and conquer the fear point. Thanks for sharing this about Jeff and I'll pass on your email address to Jennifer.) I so happy you and your husband are going to be ok. I know the emotional trauma is very hard to deal with. I have only been riding for about a year and a half and I have dumped my bike about 5 times now . Life is always a risk no matter what you do each day. You and your hubby could possibly start out riding very short distances to see if you can deal with the trauma you went through. I know outside influences like family will have a lot to do with your decision. God does work in his way and he felt this was not your time to go to be with him. When you read stories of people that battle with cancer every day and all the other illness that happen, I truly believe God does watch over us. If you miss riding and choose to ride again I feel you will be a lot more aware of what is going on around you and may go on to enjoy what you have loved to do for so long, Just ease back into riding -- maybe start out with one bike and ride together for a while to see if its what you want to do again. Good luck in all you decide to do and get well soon – Cathy (note from Mama: you are so right -- there are lots of tragedies that happen to people every day and by sharing with each other we come to understand that we are not alone -- I think that's key to moving on with life -- yes, wonderful, glorious, and often times, messy life -- and why Jennifer reached out to us. They need to move on and find ways to do that. Riding together in the beginning, if they decide to get on a bike again, is a valid point.) Obviously, the end result could've been even more tragic than it was. You and your husband were definitely very lucky. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, but since you're both still interested in riding, have you considered trikes? If nothing else, you'd get the satisfaction of riding with increased visibility on the road. It seems that you are concerned with the feelings of your family (and rightly so after the help and support you were given), so would it make them feel better if you rode trikes? Or, maybe they would prefer you never ride at all. I've only been riding about 1 1/2 years and have never had anything like that happen, but I'm aware that it could. I wonder sometimes if my love for riding is enough to overcome any feelings I might have if I witnessed my husband being hit by a car and being injured myself. I hope I never find out. But, I would imagine the trauma of that accident will fade over time and you'll gradually miss riding more and more. I do think if you decide not to ride anymore solely because your family would prefer that you not, you might resent it. But, good luck to both of you in whatever you decide. – Linda (note from Mama: good point -- they need to decide for themselves, not based on other people's fear points. The trike suggestion offers another idea not mentioned before.) Two and a half years ago…I too crashed, spent days in the hospital and still pack all the stainless, screws and wire used to rebuild my left lower leg and foot. All the questions you asked are all the same ones I dealt with while going through months of recovery. Like you, I “see” the crash all the time, remember every detail and have come to terms that I will for the rest of days. What’s vivid in my mind about it, was that AS I was crashing, tumbling, crunching, I remember thinking “I hope the bike isn’t hurt so bad I can’t ride it home”. I KNEW I’d be back riding. My family already knew that I’m gonna do what I’m gonna do, whether they think it’s crazy or not. My dear gray haired mother had finally stopped bitchin’ at me about riding and when I’d said to her “you’ve accepted that I will” she replied, “no, I just know that all the bitchin’ in the world isn’t going to stop you from doing what you want to do”. (She is the one that taught me to ride, back in the early 60’s when I was 7years old, she crashed about 1970, totaled her bike and never rode again) My guess is that your family knows these things about you too. Motorcycles aren’t a week-end hobby for most of us. They are part of who we are. To give it up is too much like cutting a chunk of heart out of yourself then try to go on living. If you’re not absolutely positive that you NEVER want to get on a bike again, period!! You will ride again. Ok… so with that settled -- what to expect when you do ride again. From my own experience, don’t expect to climb on your next bike and head out with the same amount of confidence you had before the accident. My advice would be to act as if you’re a newbie all over again. Not because you don’t have the physical skills, but because your brain is gonna be screaming at you all the fear that’s been planted there. You won’t NEED family and friends telling you that you’re crazy for getting back on. Your own head will be telling you that all the while. The first time after my accident that I rode, I got a quarter mile down the road and my chest froze. I couldn’t breath and it felt like my heart stopped. I was gripped with fear. I forced breath into my lungs and told myself “come on girl… you know how to do this” And I rode on. I found for the next year I would be just riding along, everything would be fine and I suddenly, out of nowhere have the chest freeze thing happen. Each time having to take mental control and force myself to breathe and talk myself through it. I even stopped once and gave myself a real talking to about it. It’s been a long two and a half years. But I’m back, I still have residuals but they are few and far between, . I wasn’t going to quit but I did need to take heed of some of the lessons my “near miss” gave to me. Wear the gear. EVERY TIME. Things happen fast. Amazingly so. The day of my crash, it was 85 degrees, I stuffed my leathers into my saddlebags because it was so hot and I was only going 5 miles home. The denim vest and jeans I had on were torn to shreds when I hit the road. The chin piece of my full face helmet was scraped flat where I hit the road face first at 50 mph. That would have been my face. I put on the gear every time because I’m still picking asphalt and gravel out of my forearms and palms of my hands. It’s risk acceptance on your part. How much are you willing to take. I’m willing to ride, but I’m not willing to leave anymore of my skin all over the pavement again. I wish you peace in your brain while you undertake the challenge of getting back in the wind. I’ve never regretted getting back on. – HammerLady (note from Mama: wow, your courage and fortitude in the face of all you went through is a great testament to your inner strength and character. I'm in awe. Thank you for detailing your exact thoughts on climbing back on and the fact that it still takes courage on certain days. I consider that an important point. I'll let Jennifer know your email address -- readers, HammerLady runs an excellent forum at www.shinnysideup.com.) Sorry to hear of your terrible ordeal. I am so glad that you and your husband are okay. I have never been in an accident on my bike but I know how difficult it must be to get back on. Many years ago, I was involved in a car accident. Nothing real serious, but I would not be driving today if it had not been for a well meaning friend. I refused to drive after the accident and he made me drive. He explained that if I didn't face my fear at that time, that I never would. Of course there is a big difference between our experiences, but it may help to keep this in mind when making that decision. Like you, biking has become the biggest part of my life. My husband and I ride all the time. I've put a little over 10,000 miles on my bike in 6 1/2 months. I can not imagine not riding. Getting through the winter is bad enough. Hang in there. When the time comes, I'm sure that you'll be able to make the right choice. – Janet (note from Mama: yes, and the right choice is which ever way they decide to go -- neither is wrong.) This happens to be the first time I have ever visited this site and I happened upon your story. First and foremost, I am terribly sorry about you and your husband's accident. I myself had an accident in 96' and it shook me to my very core. I don't know what kind of bikes ya'll ride and it doesn't really matter, an accident is still an accident. I ride a sport bike and was nearly run over by a dump truck traveling on my side of the road. I had 2 choices, the ditch or the truck. I chose the ditch and ended up covered in road rash and a blown out knee, nowhere near the injuries the 2 of you sustained. However, it frightened me badly and I could not seem to get past it. I bought another bike within a month of my accident, but every time I rode it I was paralyzed with fear! I would have overwhelming feelings of anxiety and almost a feeling of a flashback to the accident. I would come home and cry because I felt like I lost my best friend and something I enjoyed doing more than anything in my life. I sold my bike and did not buy another one for almost 2 years. I began to ride on back with my husband, but I was still afraid. To make a long story short, we ended up in a situation where I had to ride a bike home for a friend because he was too ill to ride. At first I was afraid, but my husband assured me that I could do it. He told me to lead and to pick the speed, at first I was so scared, but after 45 minutes or so, I started to enjoy it and I have been riding ever since. The thing is that you have to take it slow, don't push yourself. At first you will be afraid and you should just let those emotions flow in you, don't try to fight them or deny them, know that it is okay to be afraid. I also took a motorcycle course, I don't know if you have ever done anything like that, but those people will help you tremendously with encouragement and experience. Most riders have gone down at some point and understand what you are going thru, but I want to encourage you not to give up, because you know how much you enjoyed it before and I promise you that you can recapture that feeling. Take care and good luck! – Jody (note from Mama: thank you soooo much for sharing your own personal story of overcoming your fear of ever riding again. It just goes to show that it may take quite some time, but it is possible to regain the joy. And everyone's timeline on "mental" recovery is going to be different -- so let it happen naturally, on your terms.) I live in Northeast Wisconsin and used to live in Madison. I am very very glad to know you both are 'ok' after that accident and getting the help you need. I have been very fortunate in seven years of riding to not have had a major accident, although I have come pretty close... unlike some of my friends. I lost one good friend a little over two years ago... and it was a pretty ugly accident. He died from head trauma, which was probably much better than him surviving without one third of his brain and in a coma. He was a great person and it was heartbreaking to me. I almost gave up riding after that. I sold my bike and moved up north (for a job). Then I got the riding bug really really bad. There are miles and miles of great roads to ride on up here (almost) six months out of the year. So, I decided I will 'do it right' if I continue at all. I have put my 'image' and my 'pride' on the shelf. I truly do not care what other 'bikers' think. I always wear jeans, boots, leathers and a full face helmet regardless of the weather. I have a very light weight leather jacket I wear in the summer. I do not push myself past my limits. This spring I am taking an advanced motorcycle safety course on my own bike (a 2002 Buell M2L). I know Blue Knights and other clubs offer first responder courses for motorcycle accidents, but it sounds like you know much more than a class like that can offer. That is a great asset you both have ! For a long time I had to say a prayer before I even got on my bike. I rarely ride extensively at night (too many deer up here) and I do not get on the bike if I am really tired. Just a few things that I do to feel safer. Needless to say you and your husband probably had done everything 'right' in a safe sense and still had someone else's error or stupidity cause the accident. That will shake you to the core... and it can take some time and work to regain your confidence. I guess all I can say is -- be very, very, very patient with yourself. ALWAYS wear the best safety equipment. And start back really slowly at first. If it has to start on the track or on back roads so be it. I think one of the reasons I am still here is that I rarely push myself to my limits... which can be tough when others are doing reckless things. Anyhow, just my humble thoughts. Sorry you both had to go through this... but I say keep on riding if it is what truly makes your heart sing ! – Charlotte up North in Wisconsin (note from Mama: good point on having the patience to work through this at their own comfort level -- don't rush something that simply is going to take some time to figure out.) I just read Jennifer's letter and it almost brought me to tears. It certainly sounds as though both she and her husband; not to mention their families, have gone through Hell and back. "Back" being the operative word here in this case. I can't honestly say that I've been in a bad bike wreck, but I've ditched my bike on a ramp coming off of the Trans Canada Highway here in Nova Scotia, Canada one time. I'm not sure what happened to this very day. It was as though my mind went hazy and I had lost control of what I was able to do over my body. I ended up going off of the ramp toward a very deep ditch. I was lucky enough to have gotten the bike stopped fully, although the front tire went over the edge. I saw my whole life flash before my eyes and all I could do was scream out my husband's name, "Donnie". The only thing he saw after hearing my scream was the disappearance of my headlights. He pulled over and ran back to where I was. To this very day, I don't know how I got off of the bike. It was as though somebody stood me up as the bike went over the edge. As I recall, I "walked" off of the bike. Donnie came back screaming, "Are you all right??? Oh my f*#k, you wrote the bike off!" I told him not to talk that way and that the bike was surely ok. A kind passer-by stopped to help us pull the bike out of the place where it went, saying that I was very lucky as the area is very unforgiving. The bike was fine although I had a few pieces of grass mixed with gravel in strange places and I had bent my light bar and smashed my windshield rather badly. My gear had stayed intact on the bike where it was strapped down as well. The strange part about all of this is what had saved the bike from being heavily damaged. We had placed an 8-can pack of beer in the saddle bag on the side of the bike that had been to the ground when we had stopped at a liquor store while en route. The beer saved my bike and not one can got broken. We had both hopped back on our bikes after Donnie gave mine a quick inspection (he's a mechanic so he knows what to look for) and we headed for Tim Hortons, which was less than a kilometer away (1/2 mile) to gather all of our wits. I even had a cigarette to help sooth my nerves, but had no coffee as the place was so busy. After about 20 mins, we were back on the highway, heading toward our desired destination on Cape Breton Island. I had no choice as to whether or no to hop back on the bike or not as we were so far from home and we had no family or friends anyplace nearby. I feel that this was the best thing that I could do for myself, otherwise, I may not have gotten back on the bike at all. Sometimes in order to get the closure you need, you have to pick up where you left off. I wrote off my car back in 1996 and walked away from that as well. In fact, four of us walked away and ended up walking the 3 kilometers back to the house. My car was hit during a legal pass ( I was passing him and he turned left into me; pushing my car off of the road and into the ditch. We were lucky the car didn't roll over as the ditch was deep and filled with water) The driver of the other car was stoned on dope and claims he neither saw my car or heard my horn when I pulled out to pass. He couldn't see my car because of his condition due to the dope and the smoke coming from spilled oil all over his engine and he couldn't hear the horn as his car had no exhaust system on it. I imagine the dope had something to do with that as well. The next morning, I hopped behind the wheel of a friend's car and drove for half the day until my body began to ache due to whiplash setting in. I had my friend take me to the hospital on the way home. My whole body was spasming in pain and I was off work for almost a month. Again, I believe that the best thing you and your husband could do for yourselves is to hop back on motorcycles, even if you just go out and test drive or borrow some from friends to see how it feels before investing in something that you may never use again. Try it out. You say that you both miss the bikes, so take it upon yourself to try them out again. I did, and I'm glad I did. My bike is my biggest source of stress release. I don't know what I'd do without it. I know that you will do what's best for you, but you have to make the choice for yourselves: don't let other people influence your decision, family or otherwise. All of the best to you and your husband. – Lisa Fraser ("Froggie") (note from Mama: good idea about borrowing bikes to see how it "feels" to be back on them again before committing to buying new ones. Thank you so much for sharing your own story -- I think that we often feel alone when in fact we are not.) Please be careful. I just lost my friend last week because a driver made a U-turn without looking. Now I have one less friend and one less rider. You must have eyes in the back and side and top of your head or you're dead! People don't look or care when they drive -- 1/2 of them don't even see you. Even though my friend had a new bike with the headlight on at 3:00 in the afternoon, the idiot pulled out from a parking space without even looking to see if anyone was coming and now because of this dummy someone else has paid for his mistake the hard way. You never know when someone else is going to pull out or make a right turn from the left lane. Until you get some riding under your belt drive slow and alert. Yours truly and may the wind be always at your back and keep the shinny side up. Good luck. – Old Biker Man (note from Mama: and on that general note of wise advice for all of us, we conclude today's posting to Jennifer. Let's all be careful out there -- we are all to precious to lose.) Monday, January 27 Dear VTwin Mama, I think I told you a while back about how I hit my house head on (while I was still in the learning mode...) and then a year ago June I hit sand and gravel in a turn and broadsided a van. OHHHHHHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSS it is scary! My husband was really upset since he saw both those incidents first hand, but I was determined that I was going to ride again. In fact, after hitting the van, I went and sat on my bike off and on until the trailer got there to take it home for me. (It was a total, all front end damage). That was my way of getting back on the horse since I knew it would be a while before I could replace it. You may have started this site as an advice column so to speak.....but it has blossomed into much more than that! You are truly a blessing to us all. Thank you for your insight as well as your devotion to women riders. Hugs – Bootygrandma (aka Betty) Dear Betty, Tuesday, January 28 First I'm glad you both are ok. I've been involved in a couple motorcycle accidents. The first in July of 1999, we owned a 1981 Goldwing -- I was the passenger. I ended up with a broken ankle, my fiancée ended up with stitches, and the bike was totaled. It could have been a lot worse -- the news crew that had reported on our accident had reported that my fiancée had died from his injuries. That had family and friends freaking out. The second accident happened in June of 2000, we were on another Goldwing. We were doing our dream trip of see all 48 states on the bike. We got through 9 states and 8,000 miles of the trip when the accident happened. This time my husband was injured with road rash on his left arm and left leg. I only got quarter size road rashes on each knee and a bruised left arm. The bike again was totaled. The one good thing that came out of the accident is that we meet a very nice Doctor and his wife. The ER doctor offered us a place to stay at his house while we found out about the bike and what we were going to do. It turned out the doctor was also a biker. He owned two Harleys. He had been in so many wrecks on his bikes that he became a doctor. After the accident neither one of us felt like ever riding again. At home sat my Nighthawk that I had bought a year ago to ride, but never got the courage to ride it. Now after the second accident it was really looking like I would just sell the bike when we got back home. During the trip back home we ended up deciding that I would take the MSF course and learn to ride my Nighthawk and my husband would get a small bike and we would ride that way. It took about six months for my husband to heal enough to ride again. I took the MSF course in March of 2001. In May of that year I did my first trip and have been riding my own since. I still don't feel ready to ride at night, both accidents took place at night. So, I say just give it time. For my husband our accident in 2000 was his 5th one. After his 3rd he had been off a motorcycle until he meet me. Don't rush yourself to get back on, but if you still want to ride then take it one step at a time. Good luck with which ever choice you make. – Wolfspirit (note from Mama: thank you for sharing your own story of courage and conviction -- you certainly have endured a lot, but you are a voice of reason and clarity.) Wednesday, January 29 Dear VTwin Mama, I also wanted to respond to a recent posting from Biker Vic regarding drivers and cell phone usage. My husband has been doing quite a bit of on-line research and found a site created by the parents of a 3 year old who died as a result of injuries sustained in a crash caused by a driver on a cell phone. The site is http://www.morganlee.org/ and has links to many places with information. Good luck with your research too. I used to be a chronic cell phone user while driving and this experience has opened my eyes to how dangerous it really is. Now I pull over and park when I need to make a call. Hopefully more states will outlaw this practice and make the roads safer for all of us. – Jennifer Dear Jennifer, Friday, January 31 I read your story, and I want to encourage you and your husband to ride again! I also want to point out, as did others, that there were definitely miraculous events that took place at that time, from the fact that you "just happened" to wear helmets that day, to the crews responding as quickly as they did, and everything else that "fell into place". You say you're not a religious person; I am, and I know exactly Who protected you both. I was in a motorcycle accident two and a half years ago. I was on my way to a Women-on-Wheels rally in Dayton, Ohio, with four other women. About 70 miles out of Dayton, on a country road, I took my eyes off the road for a couple seconds. When I turned back, there was a pick-up truck stopped right in front of me, waiting to make a left turn. I didn't feel I had enough room to swerve, so I braked quickly, to about 50 mph, and dropped my bike to avoid hitting the truck. The bike and I slid, and then I rolled away. The bike went under the truck, and I rolled away. The first thing I did when I stopped rolling was to pray, and my girlfriend prayed over me, too. An ambulance ride and a helicopter ride later, I was in a Dayton hospital. Here I was - I had just totaled my 2-month-old motorcycle, I was 800 miles from home and my husband, and I had two broken shoulder blades, a broken collarbone, and two broken legs. Even with all that, I was so very thankful. My injuries could have been so much worse! I had no head, neck, back, pelvic, or internal injuries! In addition, I was in no pain and needed no pain medication the entire time (another miracle!). I knew God was protecting me. An Orthopedic Surgeon told me they were going to have to cast both of my legs. I asked him how I was supposed to get around, to which he replied, "In a wheelchair." When he left the room, I started praying. I told God that if He wanted me at that rally, I needed to be mobile I did not want to be totally dependent upon others. About an hour later, the doctor came back and told me that since the broken bones weren't weight bearing, they decided not to put casts on them. So it was a direct answer to prayer that I was able to walk out of that hospital the next day with nothing more than a sling to immobilize my collarbone. When I left the hospital, I headed straight to the rally. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was with me. Eight weeks later (and a bit too soon, according to my Orthopedic Surgeon), I was back riding. It took the rest of the season, about 3,000 miles, for me to get comfortable again, but I did, and I've been riding ever since. It's the old saying - "get back on the horse after you fall off." I would love to talk to you further, if you'd like. VTwin Mama will pass on my e-mail address to you. – Susan (note from Mama: you're a courageous VTwin Mama and I applaud your spirit, your beliefs and the time you took to share your own story. Thank you!) Monday, February 3 For Jennifer whose accident has her in a quandary about riding again: I’d like to suggest a method to help Jennifer and her husband begin getting back on bikes after that awful accident. I did this with myself and it works: I had passed the MSF school with a score of 94 and had my CA license to boot. I was ready to go! I bought my first bike, a used 1990 Kawi EX500, on a Thursday but had to wait until Saturday to take my first ride. Saturday morning my heart was pounding with anticipation and I had to calm myself down so I could do the pre-flight checks. There she was, my beautiful bike! My "E ticket" ride into wind and time. Slowly I rolled (just into the friction zone, remember those terms!) down the driveway. After checking both ways, I rolled the throttle a little bit. I bolted across the street and ran right into my neighbor's Ford Bronco! Fortunately, I had learned my swerving lessons in school well! I only broke my mirror, dented his fender and had several minor bruises. But I scared myself something awful. Every time I closed my eyes, I could see that damn Bronco fill my vision. I had myself so scared, that I began to get panicky even thinking about riding my bike. I began to seek advice on how to get back to riding again. I asked every rider and "Mama" that I met. The advice was consistent: just get on it and practice, practice, practice. While that was good advice alright, it didn't get me where I wanted to be. Then I remembered something we had done in MSF school! The Armchair 500! (I am guessing that we all learned this in class before we went out on the range for the first time.) I sat in a comfortable chair, took several deep, slow breaths, closed my eyes, and held out my arms to take hold of the imaginary handle bars and "rode". While riding in my "Armchair 500" I imagined myself riding successfully and confidently. I took myself on the graceful canyon roads here in Los Angeles, out to the straight hot desert and into the winding freshness of the mountains. After doing this a couple of times, the magic began to work! I could begin to practice my riding skills again in real life. I could go around the blocks near my home on Sunday mornings. Then I rode into Griffith Park where there is light traffic, sweet sweepers, stop signs and several lovely twisties. I am still a little jittery, but I am back in the saddle and remembering why I chose to ride in the first place! – Kathleen (note from Mama: I agree -- imagining the positive outcome of something assists greatly in making it so -- much better than replaying negative thoughts over and over. Riding is mostly mental -- while we are enjoying the beautiful scenery and feeling the hum beneath us, we must constantly maintain a vigilance for the things in our surroundings that could cause problems. Being able to successfully marry the two opposing mental sides is a matter of time and practice and after an accident, it's no surprise that the vigilant side (looking for the bad) of the mental process is more dominant. Your idea retriggers the other side -- the beauty -- and this is a good suggestion as one way to help restore the desire to ride. Thank you for sharing.) For Jennifer who survived an accident and not sure about riding again: Hi, my name is JoAnn. My husband and I were on the way to Mike's Harley shop to see his brother that works there because that afternoon I won a trophy for my bike and I was going to show it to him. When I was coming to a stop in the left lane, and my husband was in the right lane next to me, a woman driver in an SUV hit me from behind. She had been drinking and talking on a cell phone. I was in the hospital for five days and still sometimes in a lot of plain. But three weeks after my accident I had my husband drive me down to the Yamaha shop and pick out a new bike. I could not ride it for a couple of months. But every day I would get myself out to the shed to wipe it down and just look at. I am riding now -- still can not go very far with out being in some pain. But I did not let the women take my love for riding away. I have been riding bikes for about 30 years and this it the second accident I have had. They say when you fall off a horse, just get back on it. I do not write much, but I hope this will help. – JoAnn (note from Mama: plain and simple talk straight from the heart is the best medicine anyone can share. Thank you.) Wednesday, February 12 Supporting Jennifer after terrible accident: Hi Jenn... just read JoAnn's note to you. I know JoAnn and am pretty familiar with all she’s had to go through because of this accident. She sort of glossed over it, but it was a VERY serious and VERY scary one. She survived as well as she did partly because of her expertise and common sense. (Please don’t let on to her that I was praising her common sense!) But I know she’d NEVER, EVER be without a bike!! And she’s right … just get back on. Start slowly if it makes you relax a little more. Pretty soon, you’ll be back to “normal.” Although as far as JoAnn being “normal”, well, that’s another subject!! J – Barb (note from Mama: thanks for supporting Jennifer and telling us all about JoAnn!) Dear VTwin Mama, I took the MSF Rider course last year and aced my exams. I bought a brand new bike and had two fantastic months of riding. Unfortunately, with two good months of the riding season left (I'm up in the north plains where the weather's not conducive to riding year round) I had just finished filling up my bike at the gas station. I pulled away from the pump, looked both ways, and turned to go toward the exit of the gas station parking lot. Well, a teenaged driver whipped around the pumps in a big pick up truck. He was going the wrong way and way too fast for a parking lot. The area between the pumps and the cashier/convenience store building was very small and he was going to hit me head on. I swerved to get out of the way but panicked and ran out of room. I hit the building almost head on. I wrecked the front of my bike and did some damage to the side of the bike that it fell on. Since I went airborne into the brick wall, the bike fell over and I fell on top of it otherwise I probably would have broken my leg. I ended up with a mild concussion, some minor scrapes and a few nasty bruises... but $2000 worth of damage to the bike - which I had to pay for since the accident was technically my fault since the kid never actually hit me (and letting him hit me and kill me really was not a good option). I must have been in shock because somehow I rode the bike 20 miles home and don't really remember doing it. To add insult to injury, some jerk at the scene made a comment about how women shouldn't handle motorcycles. Grrr! Well there was a young MAN behind the wheel of the truck that almost killed me and he didn't even STOP to see if I was okay! I got the bike fixed and by the time the insurance company and the repair shop agreed on the estimate and the parts were ordered, it was really too cold to ride by the time I got it back. The longer I haven't ridden, the hard it seems to be to think about getting back on. So I've been worrying all winter about what I'm going to do in the spring. On the one hand, while I'm driving in my truck all I can think about is how spring is coming and wouldn't this or that road be great on the bike. Then I will be petrified at the thought of getting back on that bike. I get the shakes, I can see the accident over and over, and to this day I will not even gas up my truck at that gas station. Some nights I can't sleep for thinking about it. Some days I just want to sell the bike and forget the whole thing... others I can convince myself that I CAN ride and that accidents can happen to anyone. The weather is starting to warm up and a few brave souls have been out riding the last few days. I don't know what I'm going to do. I thought retaking the rider course would be a good way to get my confidence back (and focus on how FUN it can be) but the courses around here are full until August. One of your readers wrote in that riding my "chair motorcycle" might help and a friend of mine said I needed to visualize riding perfectly and with no problems. All this is very useful and has helped on the nights that I can't sleep, but I don't know if it will help when I actually throw my leg over that iron horse again. Oh well, the bike is fixed and paid for and not going anywhere. I guess I'll just let it sit in the garage until I'm ready. If it gets to be two years that I don't ride, then I can make the decision to sell it. Well, anyway, I didn't mean for this to be so long, I guess it just felt good to get it out there. I'm thankful for the site and for all the comments of the readership. If I ever get brave enough to get back on the bike, I will be sure to let you know. :) Sincerely, – BooBoo in Dakota Dear BooBoo, One, you could just sell the bike and put this all behind you. There's no shame in that. Two, you could get in touch with women riders in your area and form your own little mini support group. The reason I mention this is because I truly believe that when we feel alone (and it's a rare occasion when we're truly the ONLY person who has ever gone through something), everything seems worse. I know you know you're not alone, as you read the postings on the Accident Survivors page. Still, reading is one thing -- doing is another. Ask yourself how you would feel if you had a group to share your hopes, dreams, and disappointments with. And what if these women could rally around you for your first ride out for the new season? Sure, you might still feel jittery, but you would have the immediate support available no matter what happened (decide you still can't climb on the bike, just firing it up, a short one mile ride and that's all you can handle first time out, a longer ride on a quiet Sunday morning, etc.). So, that's my opinion. If you haven't joined any groups yet -- now may be the time. Check the links at the bottom of the home page for top women's riding groups and check for chapters near you. Even if you're out in the boonies somewhere, get in touch with the nearest chapter to you. Also, check my Opt-in Rider List to see if a VTwin Mama sister is near you. If you have joined one group or another, now is the time to ask for help. Sometimes we forget that we only need to ask. – Mama Thursday, March 27 For BooBoo who had an accident early on and is feeling icky about riding again" I can certainly understand your feelings about getting back on. One thing that helped me after broad siding a van 2 summers ago (hit sand and gravel in a turn) was to ride behind my husband on his bike. Of course I feel very safe with him since he is such a seasoned rider. It gave me the opportunity to again enjoy motorcycle riding, and by him doing the driving....I was able to sit back and relax as we rode. Do I still get nervous? Of course! But the nervousness only lasts until I get out on the highway and start rolling down the street. Then I relax and enjoy. My biggest fear is actually my own driveway! By the way....I also had a head on collision with my house about five years ago, but that was when I was still learning....BEFORE I took the MSF course! Just take it slow and you will do fine. Mama's advice on joining a group such as WOW or WITW is really good. Lots of support there! – Bootygrandma aka Betty (note from Mama: when we know we're not alone is when we are able to go ahead. Thanks for sharing.) Sunday, March 30 Dear VTwin Mama, Dear Cindy, Dear VTwin Mama, First some background: I am 44 years old. I bought my first motorcycle when I was 21 years old because I loved riding, but didn’t like not having control of the bike (as a passenger). I also saw that parking at the University was MUCH easier with a bike!! It was a 1980 Yamaha 400 Special, and I just loved riding the country out west of Austin, TX. After becoming pregnant with my first child at 26, I decided it was time to put the bike away as the concept of mortality set in and I felt the greater need to be safer for my baby. 17 years later, my two boys are great kids but I know they would survive without me if worse came to worst. The fever started to set back in as I looked longingly at every motorcycle riding past me. On the nice days I felt like EVERYONE had a bike except me!!! My husband does not and has never ridden so he didn’t understand my attraction to this activity. However, he saw that it was futile to try and convince me to not do it and very sweetly granted my wish for the MSF riding course as a Christmas gift. My class was our dealership’s first “all women” class. It was FANTASTIC. Hard work, but the camaraderie and support of my classmates far exceeded my expectations. (I would highly recommend an all girls class for anyone who has the option!!). Because I had ridden previously, it all came back fairly easily and my next big quest was finding the right bike. The right bike showed up at the local HD shop as a trade-in about a month after the class. I bought the black and heavily chromed 2003 Anniversary edition Dyna Low Rider less than 24 hours after it was traded in. It is BEAUTIFUL. After the dealer added a gadget to make the clutch easier to pull in (I have Rheumatoid Arthritis) I rode off so proudly. It took me a day or two to get used to the (much) larger sized bike, but the handling and fit seemed so good and natural. I quickly put my first 1000 miles on it with frequent short rides out here in the north Texas area. I was looking forward to taking a group riding class so that I would be comfortable riding with others. My husband agreed to take a riding class when the weather cools back down, but also delaying – hoping that I would get over this “phase” and give it up before he had to get involved. On Memorial Day I set course for about a 100 mile trek through some new territory. Through one of the best curvy roads I ended up following a truck and horse trailer for a couple of miles and the going was pretty slow. Unfortunately, the only time the truck could speed up was on the straight roads, and those were the only passable areas. I finally got an opportunity to pass near the end of a passing zone so I took it as soon as the last oncoming car passed and I throttled up quickly since the no-passing double line was coming up quickly. Once I passed the truck I realized that I was going way too fast to handle an upcoming curve and sure enough, I couldn’t make it. I went off the road, hit gravel and only remember needing to avoid hitting a sign post. Next thing I knew I was being Care-Flighted to the hospital. Thank goodness for my helmet and leather gear, I only had one laceration on my chin, but a seriously broken leg. Aside from the pain, I am EXTREMELY embarrassed to have made such an error. Heaven knows I was in no hurry… I could just as easily and happily have pulled to the side of the road and let the truck get far enough ahead of me so that I could ride the road at an enjoyable speed. I know that I lost track of the road conditions (upcoming curves) when it required so much effort to find the opportunity to pass that truck. But everyone has just been wonderful about it, many admitting to making similar errors in judgment, but not necessarily suffering as much damage as I (and my bike) did. All I can think about is when we’ll both be fixed enough to get back out there. Except for my husband. While he won’t come right out and say so, he really wants me to give this up. But he also knows I’ll be unhappy if I do. So he feels that one of us is going to be unhappy. So my question for you and fellow readers – has anyone come up with a way to reduce the anxiety or fears of loved ones about your riding? Ironically I know that I’ll be a safer rider in the future because of this accident – but to my husband it is concrete proof of the hazards of riding. I would be devastated to give up riding. Finding this again has lifted my spirits so much. I can’t even wipe the grin off my face while riding, just for the sheer joy of it. But now I feel like this joy is extremely selfish. Any suggestions? – Vicki Dear Vicki, In looking at nationwide motorcycle accident statistics from NHTSA, there was a 1.3% chance of having an accident with injury while riding a motorcycle in the year 2000. This means that out of every 1000 riders, 13 had an accident of some sort with an injury that year. The news media makes a big deal about the increasing numbers of injuries and fatalities, but fails to put it into context -- some years have much higher percentages, while other years have lower percentages overall, as based on the number of registered bikes for any given year. The fact is that the overall trend since 1991 is a decreased percentage of riders being injured. Now, let's say that you had been hurt doing something else -- something more common to your day-to-day routine, like crossing a street or driving your car. If this had been the case, it would be impossible to ask you not to cross streets any more or drive anywhere as we understand that you can't stop doing these things because of a mishap. They are integral to our lives. We also know that the chance of another occurrence is slim because we cross streets and drive cars all the time, and so understand the "percentage" chance we are taking. The problem is that non-riders do not see riding as an integral "have to do" part of our lives, but riders know that riding is as much a part of who we are and so equate it on the same level as crossing a street or driving a car. We accept the percentage chance of something going wrong. Non-riders only see the scary statistics, and in your case, the result of an accident. So, how to build your husband's confidence in your abilities again. My suggestion is to begin by taking shorter trips in the neighborhood while your husband is at home, maybe 15 or 30 minutes at the most. The more times he sees you arrive safely back (in time spans that don't leave too much time for him to worry), the process in lessening his worry can begin. You might also consider taking the Advanced Course at MSF when you are ready (or even retaking the Beginner Course), again demonstrating your desire to be the best, safest rider you can be. And as my late, great hero of advice -- the venerable Ann Landers -- would suggest, you might benefit by attending a couples counseling session, specifically discussing your opposing viewpoints on your desire to ride. This would allow your husband to state his opinions in a "safe" environment with a moderator who could explore both your feelings without it turning into demands and recriminations or a showdown. His bottled up feelings simply aren't healthy for either of you. Check out the Yellow Page listings for qualified services, which are available from local hospitals, advocacy groups, mental health organizations and even clergy. I don't think you are being selfish in your desire to ride. In your letter you have clearly shown that you are a thinking, caring person and are cognizant of what the accident has taught you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and a willingness to further explore your options, as several other accident survivors have done in the past which are posted on my Accident Survivor page. There are a number of opinions on this page that might help, with an eye to opening up a conversation with your husband to begin the mental healing process. If your desire to resolve this with your husband is as strong as your will to ride, you will find the path you need to take to reach an understanding that you both can live with. – Mama Share Your ThoughtsTop Wednesday, June 11 I was really struck by Vicki's letter and the strain her accident has placed on her relationship with her husband. She indicated her husband's previous willingness to take an MSF class in the Fall. I wonder if starting up riding again (following her recovery) as a joint activity would help to alleviate her husband's anxiety. They could take the beginner's class together, practice in the parking lot together, start on short neighborhood trips together, and then maybe consider some longer runs. Maybe if he was able to see what a careful rider she is and to keep an eye on her while she is on the road (instead of staying home and worrying), then they could enjoy riding together. My boyfriend has never ridden his own motorcycle, and prior to riding two-up with me had never been on a motorcycle at all. He's not into bicycling. He only just learned to drive my stick-shift Jeep. He doesn't own a car (never has) and likes walking places (you really see stuff walking). He claims to not really be into "riding" things. However, he really does enjoy riding on the back of my Stone, to his surprise and mine. This certainly makes our relationship easier, since we can ride places together. I think it's true that Vicki's husband might really like riding if he gave it a try. Best of luck! Vicki, I'm glad you are okay and still ready to ride when your leg heals. Keep up the good spirits! – Marina (note from Mama: sage advice that offers more ideas to try -- again, looking for that starting dialog to mend the differences -- thank you.) Share Your ThoughtsTop Dear
VTwin Mama, Two months into riding...dolled up, excited, my dream to ride with people like me, went on the group charity run. One mile out and CRASH! Unbelievable, hurt bad, ambulance, bike damaged, embarrassed, angry, tears, alive . . . grateful. Waiting for repaired bike, going to get right back on, dreams don't die, new knowledge, afraid, excited, humble, need of more experience. I have a fractured collar bone, fractured nose, bruised ribs, and bruises all over. My leather jacket & jeans saved my skin, my boots saved my feet, my gloves saved my hands, and my helmet saved my brain. I did not have a full face helmet and that's where I was cut and needed stitches, and the road rash on my right side of my face was very bad. I will wear a full face helmet from now on. I will mend, the bike is being fixed and I am very very lucky and thankful to be alive. I am back to work, though I am still quite sore. I am 51 years old, so I think this is craziness in my "normal mind." Why would someone want to take these risks? In my "crazy mind" I say "lets get back on and live life the way I want to"!! The crash was more mental to me, because it was "just one more bad thing" that went wrong in my life. But that's life. I've rearranged my thoughts, looked at the good that came from this and I'm ready to fly once again. – Serenity Dear
Serenity, I think the battle between your "normal mind" and your "crazy mind" is quite normal. When bad things happen we review the steps that led up to the bad thing and try to determine how we could have done something different -- even better maybe. That's the key -- how to be a better rider for the future. You need only read my Jitters Page and Accident Survivors Page to see previous postings from women who have questioned their mental and skills ability to climb back on the bike once they are physically able to do so. Take a cue from them and realize that lingering doubts about riding again may be part of the healing process -- despite your conviction to ride again. You are not alone. I'm hoping you'll let me know how you're doing once you get prepared to ride again -- any support I, or the readers of the VTwin Mama site, can give you would be given with love and care. Because we do care. – Mama Thursday, August 14 For Serenity who survived a nasty accident: My heart goes out to Serenity. I hope she heals up, gets back on her bike, and works through the trauma. I've got 800 miles on the Blast now and am glad I persevered. I miss the Triumph when I get up over 50 mph on the Blast, and I know I'll get back on the bigger bike someday. For now I'm happy to be practicing my skills without that panicky feeling. I was riding along feeling very pleased with myself yesterday evening when I felt an unmistakable jab in my arm. I pulled over and sure enough a yellow jacket had crawled inside my jacket sleeve. My husband says it's a rite of passage for bikers, and I'm wondering if I couldn't skip a few of these rites, but this was fairly minor compared to a crash. – Sarah (note from Mama: it just goes to show, ickie things happen sometimes. Glad the yellow jacket sting didn't cause a bigger problem while you were riding -- yes, rites of passage ARE a reality in our riding lifestyle -- so let's keep sharing information so that we can "learn" some of our lessons before they happen!) Monday, August 18 For Serenity who survived a nasty accident: I can definitely commiserate with Serenity, it must take a huge amount of moxy to get back on after a crash. I have had a couple of close calls and I always ride away telling myself that if I let anything scare me off my bike then I may just end up staying in never going out at all. My own baby sister had a big accident on her first ride out on her new Shadow 600. She stacked it on a slippery corner in the rain, had a broken foot, lots of skin off both legs, broken hand and shattered other wrist, 4 out of 4. She had to have a "toast-rack" pinning all the bits of bone together to heal properly, with all the pins protruding out of her arm to a frame. Spent a few weeks in a wheelchair and 6 weeks with the toast-rack on. She was only saved from a face plant by her full face helmet. Comparatively the bike came off well, only scratches and a broken tail light. She is now better and still rides with the full encouragement of her biker boyfriend. Regards, – Marion, Shadowpuss (note from Mama: thanks for your support to Serenity and sharing your sister's story as well. I am glad that she is doing well and back to riding.) Friday, August 22 Dear VTwin Mama, In 2001 I took my first ride on the back of my boyfriend's '97 Heritage Softail and a man pulled out in front of us. We hit him and I was immediately knocked unconscious. I was thrown 25 ft. over the car and my boyfriend was thrown 15 ft. over. I sustained a separated right shoulder and a concussion. We both had on jackets, chaps, gloves and I had a half helmet which was a REAL DOT helmet. I landed on my right shoulder and couldn't move. We were taken to the hospital. The inside of my helmet was cocked sideways from the impact. My leathers were marred all the way through my jacket and my gloves had studs on them that were now a brass color as opposed to the chrome finish that they had. My boyfriend had road rash to the face, glass in the face, a black eye that was as big as an egg, 1 broken finger and lost 2 finger nails due to the impact and last but not least, his knee hit the car and he had fluid that had to be drawn off. He still doesn't have all of the feeling in his right knee, but we both know just how fortunate we were that day to still be alive to talk about it. Everyone was scared that I wasn't going to ride again, but as soon as he got the bike back together, we were riding again. We were just married this May 2003 at Bike week at Myrtle Beach and we rode off, wedding gown and all on the bike. The most ironic thing of all to us, was that the man who pulled out in front of us, never showed up for the court date and received only a $100 fine and court cost. Thanks for letting me share my story! – Margaret (note from Mama: you are welcome and thanks for sharing your story. And congrats on getting married -- you certainly endured a bit of "trial by fire" together. Glad to hear that you are both doing relatively well. Motorcycle advocacy groups have long noted the discrepancy on holding motorists accountable when they hit riders and cause injury.) Monday, September 1 Dear
VTwin Mama, My daughter and I were in an accident. I veered off the road from a gravel spill (wet) that went about 100 yards, she leaned, I couldn't pull out of it and we were road rashed pretty good. No broken bones, but my bike took a really bad spill. Within 2 hours of that accident, I was on my husband's bike (the old saying goes) 'get back on the horse that bit you'. I was re-living what had happened and was allowing his bike to pull me to the right. Winter came and gone/ got my bike fixed and rode it only a few miles (maybe 20). Now he's wanting to lower it, re-paint etc. etc. new front end. Well, I got on it 2 weeks ago and was shaking so horribly bad, I was scared. I want that feeling I had when I first got my bike -- my daughter and I were on our 500th mile that day that we wrecked. I need to get that 'spirit' back again. Any advice . . . thanks. – Juli Dear
Juli, You wonderfully brave VTwin Mama sister. Not only did you survive, but recognized that the bike was secondary in importance -- the first being that you and your daughter survived the mishap -- and that the bike was fixable somewhere down the road. Now, you're displaying the exact kind of courage it takes to make a "go" of riding again -- by admitting that it's not exactly hunky dory like it was before the tumble. While you'll never be able to get that exact "perfect" feeling back again (it's just not mentally possible because the experience simply can't be undone), it IS POSSIBLE to rekindle the love of riding and overcome the scary thoughts. But how are you going to do that? First, by admitting to yourself that you are not perfect -- and never will be. And neither is your daughter. The mistake was made, and becomes part of both of your learning lessons. It's important that you actively keep from beating yourself up over it. It's in the past, where it should remain, and time to look forward. Now, what are you going to do to regain confidence? How about calling a family meeting to openly discuss the future of riding in the family. Start by openly sharing everyone's thoughts on the accident. Then, let everyone air what their concerns are (without negating anybody's thoughts) for the future. Then, outline what each family member can do to foster a positive atmosphere for re-entry into riding (maybe you'll want to ride solo away from distractions for a little bit, while your daughter, depending on her age, may want to find sources of information about how she can be a better passenger rider, and your husband may feel more comfortable always be along for awhile, etc.). Explore these feelings and thoughts openly, so that a "battle plan" is formed in unison and everyone agrees. Set little goals and steps and celebrate each positive outcome -- maybe devise a family ritual to acknowledge the accomplishment --something fun everyone can enjoy -- gold stars? a special trip to the ice cream store? You get my drift. Each time you do that, the bad experience takes on less and less significance in relation to the good stuff! And you've set up a positive, sharing environment for each family member to continue to voice their thoughts. The fact is, the accident affected each member in different ways -- and allowing open discussion gets it "out on the table" so to speak. You are not alone. Now, take a deep breath and say to yourself, "I will not permit myself to think for one minute today that something to which I aspire is beyond my reach. If I hold to my dream, it can be realized." And then do it. I'm rooting for you all the way! – Mama Wednesday, September 10 Dear
VTwin Mama, When I tell the story I always say the accident could have been a lot worse, "I could have fell and messed up my bike." Luckily it was a somewhat junky bike. Man oh man, if I would have messed up my chrome I would have really been hurting. I have to smile every time I think of that, and it really helped me reframe the event and get back on my bike much sooner. Some of the bikers I met coming home from the hospital told me, "your leg cast is such a nice color and if you wanted a rig set up to ride we'll do it for you." They were like a smile bouquet from the universe. I told them the only thing I'll be riding for a while is my wheel chair and then my crutches. Thanks again, – Jacque' Dear
Jacque', Dear
VTwin Mama and readers, My bike was repaired and ready to ride again this past weekend. It was a beautiful weekend too here in Michigan. I had to pick it up at the shop. My palms were sweaty and I was nervous but I had kind words from the guys who had worked on my bike. As soon as I sat on my "baby" I knew there was no doubt. Off I went!!! OH WHAT JOY!! All the good feelings came back in a rush. I am so glad I got back on. I rode all day Saturday and Sunday. I was a little queasy, and then cautious on curves, but remembered what I had been taught. I'm sure in time I will want to take a curvy trip, but now I am just enjoying the ride. I hope that others who love to ride, but have been in a accident, will give themselves another chance. Start slow and be the unique person you are: "A Woman Who Loves to Ride A Motorcycle." – Serenity (Bev) Dear
Bev, Friday, September 26 For Serenity who wrote in to tell us that she's back on her bike after a nasty accident in July: Serenity's letter brought tears to my eyes. I'm so happy for her. It's not foolishness, stubbornness, or anything else except joie de vivre that gets us back on our bikes after a fall. – Sarah (note from Mama: for those readers whose French is a bit rusty (!), joie de vivre is literally "joy of living" and can also be translated as exuberance, or energy and love of life. I think Sarah has a point!) Friday, October 17 Dear
VTwin Mama, I was wearing hiking boots and one of my boots came off. Thank God for the jacket I was wearing and my helmet. (what the hell are the people in PA thinking of wearing no helmet!). I got right back on the bike and rode it. The bike has a little damage ($1,000) - still trying to understand what I could of done differently. Does anyone have an experience to share with me? – Black and blue VTwin Mama Angela Dear
Angela, Ok, here's my two cents (and believe me, there's 98 cents of valid opinion floating out there on this one): this is why I have straight pipes, because even if I think someone sees me, I crack the throttle a little, roar the pipes, and watch their reaction. More times than not, I can see the "jump" in their face when they realize they didn't see me at all. Assume nobody sees you ever and ride accordingly. When you thought the van driver saw you, you were gauging that most likely from your experience in a car (two car drivers catching each others eyes) -- not a bike to car. And to add insult to injury, I know that I've missed seeing a bike on occasion (in the 24 years that I've been riding) while in my own car. Especially if they start out tucked away behind some other traffic and then move up in the pack where I don't expect to see them. It happens. That's why you always need to assume the worst. Now, extend the question and ask yourself what you would do if a deer or other animal leapt out in front of you suddenly. This is where the need to make a quick judgment call comes in. I'd rather go down in a controlled motion than slam into an 800 lb. animal broadside or a moving vehicle. I truly believe if you had thought in that split second that you could have actually swerved somewhere useful (ie, less dangerous than going down or hitting the truck), you would have. It would be helpful to review in your mind or revisit the spot to see. While we never want to be in this situation, when we are, it's helpful to maximize the learning from it rather than trying to push it out of our minds. It's a rare opportunity to understand more about how your bike handled, how your mind reacted, and what your instincts commanded you to do. Then fine tune your techniques if necessary. Congrats on making it through with minor damage to the bike and climbing right back on the beastie. Let's see what 98 cents worth comes in! – Mama Dear
VTwin Mama, July 22, I'd had my new Honda Magna 3 weeks. On our way to work some idiot car driver tried to cut thru 2 lanes of traffic without checking to see if it was clear. It wasn't and he didn't see me coming up the inside lane. You should have seen the look on his face when he realized his mistake and saw me hurtling towards his passenger side-door at 30mph. On impact my female bits were thrown forward onto the bike's tank, I broke my pelvis in 4 places, fractured both hips and my labia swelled to the size of a very large cucumber. As for my pillion passenger Lara, she flew 10-20 feet in the air and over his car, breaking her back when she landed. We were damn lucky. Lara's got a compressed back and thankfully won't be paralyzed. I've got a stainless steel plate holding my pelvis together and my fractured hips have healed quite nicely thank-you. We'll be back to full health just in time for Christmas. The accident really shook me up and has made me doubt whether or not I will go back on a motorbike. However after finding your website and seeing that there are other female riders out there with the same passion for motorbikes. I feel inspired and more confident about getting back on a motorbike. Sadly I won't be riding my Honda Magna as she suffered a painfully cruel death at the hands of the evil destroyer. If it weren't for the Magna I don't think I'd be here telling you about my accident, she saved me. The Magna is a great bike and I'm gutted I won't be able to replace the one I lost. But that's ok, I'm alive and well. I also still have my Suzuki Savage LS 650! I didn't get chance to sell her and I hope that she'll provide me with the protection needed for riding the mean streets of London. Ride safe Sisters. – Nadine and Lara Dear
Nadine and Lara, I am glad to hear that despite your horrific medical blows, that modern medicine and a bit of luck are keeping each of you together in one piece and functioning. After looking at the picture of your Magna, with a crushed front end, I agree -- that bike did a lot to absorb the impact and so we'll observe a moment of silence for that beautiful hunk of metal. (shhhhh) Meanwhile, heal fast and discuss your future riding possibilities one step at a time. Lara may feel differently than you, you may feel differently after taking the Savage out for a test go/see, and both your "decisions" may change from day to day for quite some time to come. It's only natural. – Mama Friday, November 28 Dear
VTwin Mama, I took up riding this year. I received a beginner bike '83 Yamaha Virago, nothing real special, but a bike none the less. I even took the riders safety course, got my endorsement 2 days later and then bam, 3 days after that...I took a corner too fast, hit the shoulder and ended up high siding it. Scared me to death, I think mostly because I saw it coming so I let my body relax. The result was a broken tibia being held together by a plate and 5 screws. It has only been 6 months since the accident and I have ridden the bike around the block. I loved riding, had ridden over 300 miles before the broken leg, but now I am a little nervous. I would really like to share more and get other ladies experiences of accidents and getting back on the bike. Thanks so much, – Beginner Rider Dear
Beginner Rider, It is nice when we find a place with people that have been were we've been and know how we are feeling. I'm glad the VTwin Mama site has begun to provide some level of support (the Accident Survivor's page is a good place to start for those who are not aware of it) for what you are going through. While it does happen on occasion that someone reading this site will contact me and offer an email address so the original writer has someone to communicate more in depth with, might I suggest that you also consider contacting the local chapters of women's riding groups in your area. These women offer a wealth of experience and friendship and face-to-face support. Check my Cool Links page (at the top) and you'll see the logos of the major riding groups in the U.S. – Mama Hey
VTwin Mama, After 43 years of riding and I finally became a statistic. 17 Jan I was going south and an SUV was going north. Yep, the SUV made a left hand turn in front of me -- with about 25 feet between us. I did all the avoid-dodge tricks but still got nailed. Alas, I spent over a month in the hospital, 3 surgeries, a plate and a bunch of screws in my left tibial plateau, 4 pins, 2 wires and 1 screw in my left ankle and 2 external fixators in my lower left leg (until the ankle stabilizes). I'm still non-weight bearing on the left leg for another 6-7 weeks before I can start to learn to walk again. So PMS will linger a bit longer for me regardless of the weather. I still plan on being motorcycle safety crew for the Koman 3-day breast cancer walk in Phoenix (Oct) --- I'll just have to do it on a replacement motorcycle as my Honda Magna 750 was totaled in the accident. This is the first time I've been able to get connected and online. I really do appreciate your website -- you can certainly count on my renewal [for the VTwin Mama Newsletter]. Keep up the great work. – Linda in Texas -- without her Magna Dear
Linda, Monday, March 22 Dear
VTwin Mama, We are so sold on gear now. There are lots of products out there to help protect the body and still be warm or cool, as the case may be. It's easy to become lax and go out on a hot summer day in jeans and a t-shirt but don't do it. My husband would have been a lot worse off if he had not been dressed for the "occasion". His brand new Shoei full face helmet also saved him from serious head injury as well. People complain about wearing helmets but if he had not been wearing his he could have been hurt lots worse. And anything less than a full face could have your face grinding into the pavement. So gear, gear, gear!!! We are now on a crusade against driving under the influence and also tailgaters. We had one of those come across a grass embankment to try to run my husband down because my husband indicated we were being followed too closely (he pointed to the tail of the bike and made a motion with his fingers like "small space"....no he did not flip the guy off). Anyway, the guy pulled up beside him and said "Mister don't piss me off or you'll get killed." I was fortunate enough to get my bike shut down and stay back, even though I felt like I was deserting him. He had already checked to see where I was and I didn't need him to be worried about me. He was busy dealing with the idiot. Then immediately after that we were tailgated by a school bus who ended up running a red light. Just think...these are the kind of people we have to share the road with. So everybody be careful and suit up. – Rhonda in Springfield, MO Dear
Rhonda, This reminds me of the article I noted in my 3/21 issue of the VTwin Mama Newsletter, where a Dutchman wants to get all motorcycles off the road . . . when really, it should be the other way around, don't 'ya think?! – Mama Sunday, March 28 For Linda who had a horrific accident after 43 years of riding: Sorry to hear about your crash, I hope you are recovering well! The reason I'm writing is regarding a non-motorcycle issue, but something you said in your e-mail set off a warning bell in my head. You have been and will be non weight-bearing on your left leg for a really long time. I hope your doctors have warned you about the risk of DVT (deep vein thrombosis or blood clots). Hopefully your doctors have you on a daily dose of aspirin or a blood thinner like Coumadin (warfarin). I am writing because my husband and I were involved in the infamous left-turn crash. Our story is in the Survivors section. Anyway, he was non weight bearing on his right leg for three months due to a shattered right hip. The day before the doc was going to lift the weight bearing restriction his leg swelled from hip to toe. After a call to the doc I took him to the emergency room where he was diagnosed with a "massive" DVT. The main vein in his right leg was clotted from his groin down past his knee. He was admitted overnight for intravenous blood thinning medication then was discharged the next day with pills and injections. He had to inject a blood thinner twice daily for a month. He took Coumadin for 6 months until the clot was almost completely dissolved. During that time he had to have his blood drawn every week for a month then every two weeks thereafter to monitor the clotting factors in his blood. Usually the docs adjusted the Coumadin dose after each blood draw. They claim Coumadin therapy is an art! DVT is an extremely dangerous complication. Ladies who smoke and take birth control pills are very susceptible to this as well as those who have sat for long periods of time without moving like in a car or airplane, (i.e. "coach class syndrome") and those who have sustained broken long bones or other major trauma. I have a friend who developed a DVT after spending a very long day on her cycle without many stops. The problem with the DVT isn't just the damage it does to the vein where it clots. The problem is when the clot, or a piece of it, breaks loose and travels through your heart then to your lungs or brain. This can cause difficulty breathing, chest pain, stroke or death. Everyone is different but a "typical" presentation would be calf pain and shortness of breath. Check with your doctor for a list of signs and symptoms to watch for. And don't take aspirin without first consulting your doc! Linda, if your doctors haven't addressed this possible complication with you I would strongly advise you to ask about it. My husband had a filter placed in the great vein that returns blood from the lower body to the heart a few days after the crash as a DVT prophylaxis. Because of a spleen laceration they couldn't immediately place him on blood thinner therapy. Later after his spleen healed this was overlooked. I know for a fact that the filter saved his life. He has been on aspirin every day, on doctor's orders, since the blood clot dissolved and will be taking it for the rest of his life. I don't mean to sound like the Grim Reaper is stalking you. I just wanted to make sure you were well informed . . . unfortunately we weren't. Doctors can work miracles in medicine these days. However, they are still human and, like the rest of us, are susceptible to making mistakes. This means that we must be aggressive advocates in our own health care. Good luck in your recovery! We wish our best to you! – Jennifer and Gary (note from Mama: thank you for taking the time to bring forward a medical complication that can affect accident survivors with injuries, as well as others! Better to be informed than not.) Tuesday, April 27 Dear
VTwin Mama, Anyway, I wanted to again say THANK YOU to all the ladies who wrote in answer to my initial e-mail way back when. All of their (and yours too Petra!) suggestions were worth their weight in gold. I appreciate all the support. A recurring theme seemed to be therapy. It was very hard to admit that I needed to see a therapist, like many suggested. But I finally gave in and went. Each session was horrible and made me miserable for the rest of the day. Finally after about five sessions my therapist referred me to another one who does EMDR. EMDR is a relatively new procedure used to treat people with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. In a nutshell EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) combines eye movements mimicking REM sleep with the "patient" thinking about different aspects of the traumatic event. It somehow helps your brain reprocess the memories so that you are able to better deal with what happened. (Google EMDR for a better explanation). There's not much talking involved (thank goodness! I was so tired of just talking about it). It sounded like snake oil to me but I did it and I was amazed with the results. In four sessions I could actually talk about the crash without coming unglued and crying. Don't get me wrong - it required a lot of inner strength and commitment. I'm still working on it now, though I don't go to therapy any more. Each day is a new challenge. I'm still suspicious about EMDR and I feel that it only worked because I wanted it to. The brain is a strange, but powerful thing. Anyway, I feel much better now and best of all I'm back on two wheels! I'm still very cautious about all the cars around me, but here I am. My hubby is back on two wheels too and will be finally going back to work the first week of May; four surgeries and 20 months of physical therapy later. YEA! Also, you had sent me an e-mail from the Lifetime show "What Should You Do?" a while ago [note from Mama: the show contacted me and asked me to put them in touch with Jennifer and her husband for a possible segment]. Well, they finally came out two weeks ago and did an interview with Gary and me. The show isn't scheduled yet, but I will let you know when I find out. They're calling our segment "Cycle Couple" - isn't that sweet! The interview in itself was very therapeutic too for both of us. I'm just leery about what will actually make it into the show. If it doesn't come out right I just want everyone to know that my goal of doing the interview was to educate the public about managing an accident scene. See http://www.accidentscene.net/ if you're interested in learning about what to do if you're involved in an accident or come across one and want to help. This group is comprised of motorcyclists who teach other motorcyclists (and anyone else who's interested) how to assist and not injure a downed biker. Please, I encourage everyone out there to take CPR and First Aid and a class like this if you ride. ASMI is based in Wisconsin, but I noticed they teach all over the country. They will teach you how to remove a helmet, how to lift a bike off a person without injuring them further, how to direct traffic around the crash until police arrive, how to work with the ambulance crew when they arrive, and much, much more! You owe it to yourself and your buddies to be prepared! My hope is that you never need to use the skills you will learn in these classes! End of lecture! : ) Thank you, Petra, for this website. It has been an invaluable aid in every aspect of motorcycling. It's also nice to know there's a place to go to keep in touch with other lady riders, offer and receive comfort, support and encouragement and learn, learn, learn! I will send a picture of my new bike as soon as I stop gawking at it and pull out the camera! Thanks again! – Jennifer Dear
Jennifer, As to your own Mom, I can only add that I'd hate for her to learn that you are riding again from a neighbor/friend/relative who happens to see you out and about, so seriously consider breaking that news as soon as possible. I know that it will be hugely difficult, but then ultimately you have to realize that no matter what choices we make in our adult lives, our parents are looking for improvement (!) in us and that there are some things that they will not understand no matter how hard we try to explain our thinking. Give it your best shot. – Mama Dear
VTwin Mama, Her husband led, she was 2nd, I was 3rd and so on. The ride up was great -- we were going about 70mph. About an hour into our ride -- I always look ahead to see what's going on -- I noticed cars hitting their brakes, so with caution, not watching the riders in front, I got off the gas. Suddenly I see both riders in front slam on their brakes, I hear skidding and screaming and I cannot believe what I am seeing. His bike fishtails and the back tiring is smoking, her bike the back wheel locked up she went sideways down, across the road, under a tractor trailer. Her husband and I consoled her until the paramedics came, they took her to a helicopter which took her to a trauma center. She died later that day. I was shocked. She was the force that got me into riding, she gave me all her old Harley Lady magazines to read, supported me and now she's gone. I was able to stop. I rode home from the accident so we could take two cars to the hospital, yet I feel afraid to ride my bike now. I have been riding three years now -- is this normal? Please share your experience and how you got through it. – Angela in NJ Dear
Angela, We have a special page on this site called the Accident Survivors page -- where women have shared their own personal experiences and asked many of the same questions you are asking. A first step might be to read through these and know that you are not alone in your feelings. If there is a particular woman who you would like to communicate with, I could send an email on your behalf to see if she is willing to email with you. While I am not a trained professional, one aspect of having witnessed such an event is the very normal survivor's guilt. You made it, she didn't. She was the more experienced rider, so why did you survive? Why did this happen at all? Had you been further up front in the group, would you have had the skills to avoid it? Perhaps it is this question that makes you wonder if you'll ever ride again after three years of being on a bike. Only you can answer that. While it often times seems glib to say, "seek professional counseling," the fact is that if you feel you don't have anyone close to you that you can discuss this accident with (and sometimes someone not related allows for more honest communication about how you really feel), you might want to consider talking to someone who can help you sort through all of your feelings. In some areas, there are accident survivor groups that meet, as this type of grief is not always handled in a short timeframe, but is rather something that takes time and repeated talking through to find peace within. Depending on your husband, your friend's husband and the 5th rider, perhaps this is something you may wish to seek together. It was a shared experience and perhaps everyone who survived would benefit from a "neutral" professional person leading the group to talk about what happened. No matter how you choose to work through the grief, please don't beat yourself up if you can't even look at your bike for awhile. I would consider that very natural. At some point you will begin the process of determining if you want to ride again. Listen to your heart and trust your gut instinct to tell you what you would need in terms of a support system to go out for a ride again. If you decide to give it up, do so knowing that this is your decision to make as you see best for you. You have nothing to prove at any point, ever. Our hearts and prayers go out to your departed friend's husband, family and friends. It is a sad moment of reflection for all of us. – Mama Wednesday, July 7 For Angela who lost a friend in a riding accident last weekend: Angela, what a tragic story! My heart goes out to all of you. I hope you're able to get back on your bike. I've had the jitters after an incident a few times, but nothing like that. I guess I don't really have a lot to say, just sending out support to a sister biker. – Li in Florida (note from Mama: each heartfelt message of understanding and condolence is worth it's weight in gold.) I just read your letter and experienced a myriad of emotions in about one second flat. I got chills and tears, my stomach sank and my heart jumped into my throat. I am so sorry to hear of your friend’s passing. I know you must have been horrified and I completely understand your feelings about not ever wanting to ride again. This September will be the second year anniversary of a crash that my husband and I survived. An oncoming car turned left in front of us with no reaction time at all for my husband. He said that all of a sudden he saw a front quarter panel in front of him then his vision went black. He remembers two impacts then being airborne then next remembers “waking up” in the ambulance. Me, I was behind him on my own bike and saw the whole thing happen. (The whole story is in the survivors section of this website.) Words can’t adequately express what I thought and felt. I am a paramedic and have “scraped” up a fair share of people from the highway following similar collisions. Knowing what I know and seeing what I saw, my first thought was that there was no way he survived. Miraculously he did. Since then, however, not a day goes by that we aren’t reminded of the crash. He will never have a 100% recovery from his injuries. Neither of us will ever have a compete recovery from the mental trauma. Even at work in the ambulance when I get paged out to a motorcycle crash my stomach does a flip/flop. (Part of my own healing is at work when I get to provide the care to my patient that I couldn’t to my husband. It’s not the same, I know, but it helps a little.) We both sought out counseling. He was stubborn to admit he needed help, but now is glad he gave in and did it. Don’t be worried if it doesn’t work for you. Different people need different “help” for their experiences. Group counseling may work. I found writing to be an excellent outlet for myself. I sat at the computer every night and wrote emails to friends and family updating them on my husband’s condition. I wrote essays to myself – dozens of pages just trying to figure out what I was feeling and how to deal with it. I wrote in to this website. Petra and many, many wonderful VTwin Mamas out there wrote in to console and counsel me. I am still so very grateful for their outpouring of support. We bought new bikes this past spring. We’ve barely put 2000 miles on since the first week of April. I like to blame it on the weather, but there are some days when we just don’t have the nerve to take them out of the garage. Neither of us pushes the other. If one of us isn’t comfortable for whatever reason then we just rent a movie and hang out – even if it’s a gorgeous day and we can plainly hear the road calling! We’re at a certain comfort level right now and as time passes I’m sure we’ll put more and more miles on. Until then we’re taking it easy. Our friends have been very supportive. I’ve joined a local chapter of Women in the Wind (Sisters of the Moon) and they’ve been a great source of strength for me too. If there’s one more piece of advice I can give it’s don’t second guess yourself. Don’t play the “what if” game with what happened. It’s a terrible tragedy, but there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Sometimes just realizing that simple truth is the hardest part of the healing process. Above all be kind to yourself and listen to your heart. It will tell you when you’re ready. My heart is with you. – Jennifer (note from Mama: to reach out when your own heart is breaking and you continue to work through your own issues is one of the most courageous acts I'm privileged to witness at this site. It reminds me what is truly important: caring, sharing people who are there for each other.) Monday, July 12 More for Angela who lost a friend in a riding accident: I am so sorry to hear about your friend. I was very moved by you sharing your story. That in its self takes courage to share with others what you are going thru at this point in time. Everyone grieves in his or her own way. I hope you can find someone, some way to help you deal with this. Maybe in time you can eventually get back on your bike, eventually in time maybe you can do a ride for her, in her memory. But you and time will be able to tell what is going to be best for you. Please know you and your friend are in many thoughts and prayers. – Tara (note from Mama: grief is indeed an individual journey -- thank you for letting Angela know that her timeframe in dealing with it is ok.) I read your story of what happen to you and your friend, and my heart goes out to you and her family, but Angela you have to re-read what you wrote and will see what I see in your story. As a much older Harley rider - I see you as a Hero. Because you were looking ahead and saw what was happening, you backed off your throttle and probably don't remember but I bet you tapped your brakes, at least enough to get the attention of your fellow riders who were with you. It could have been really bad for all of you, but your quick thinking and actions saved the rest of your group. You have to get back on her and not let this eat you up, because it can destroy you, there are enough of us out here to help you get thru this, go ahead and cry and throw things, but get back to what you love - your friend would have wanted it that way. You can call me anytime. I salute you, You are a true "Lady Rider" – Jacqi (note from Mama: thank you for pointing out that in fact a greater tragedy was averted by alert riding on the part of Angela and other riders in the group. It's easy to overlook what went right when on another level something went very wrong.) And from Angela: Last week Thursday the three riders who were with her (my husband, myself and a friend) rode our motorcycles and escorted her body to the cemetery. This was very healing. I know that I still need to process this event and I will take your suggestions and write. I also belong to a Women's Motorcycle club and have been talking to them about it. – Angela Kosar (note from Mama: Angela has been a long time participant of the VTwin Mama site. Your courage is inspiring Angela -- know that we value that and continue to keep you in our collective prayers.) Tuesday, July 20 Dear VTwin Mama, For Angela who lost a friend in a riding accident: My condolences to you, your husband, your friends husband and the fifth rider in your group. My wife brought your story to my attention and after reading it I can honestly say that I feel for all of you. Being a survivor of a motorcycle accident myself I can relate to your mixed emotions on riding again. You have probably heard the phrase "Getting back on the horse." Well, sometimes it is not as easy as it may seem. You undoubtedly have mixed emotions of the crash. Emotions of anger, sadness, confusion (How could this have happened?) and even guilt (Why her and not me or someone else?). Talking to someone will help. What you are going through is a normal reaction for a situation such as this. Even after you get back on the bike ( I'm assuming that you will, Right?) you will be faced with emotional challenges for a while. All of these can be conquered with the help of time, confidence and communications. I spent one year and eight months healing and rehabing from my accident with my main goal being that of returning to ride my police motorcycle. Even after being back to work for two months now I find myself questioning if I want to go for a ride or not some days. I feel my adrenalin start to flow when I get into rush hour traffic with my body tensing up, heart beating and my eyes checking out every conceivable threat on the road. This hyper defensive rush, as I call it, has started to subside the more that I ride. My advice would be not to lose your confidence. You are not an amateur rider. You have a few miles under your belt. Take your time and when it feels right you will get back on the horse again. When you do decide to get back on consider taking an Advanced Riders Course. I found this course a great confidence builder for my wife and myself. Do not feel guilty for taking this course or for not wanting to jump right out into heavy traffic right off the bat. For I have been riding for many years and have taken riders courses for police motor officers but I still found myself very hesitant and nervous the first few times out on my bike. If you still feel that you might not be able to do it give me a call and I will come out and ride with you folks. For the decision to ride is yours and yours only. When the time is right you will know. – Gary in WI at cobracop@yahoo.com (note from Mama: Jennifer, Gary's wife, first wrote to this site about her and Gary's accident on January 21, 2003 and has written moving letters chronicling the accident, progress, continuing concerns, as well as responses to other incoming letters from accident survivors. Gary, thank you for letting me know that you enjoy reading my site as well and for taking the time to offer your support to Angela. Your voice comes from first-hand experience but also, with some healing time already in place, you can see how time affects your decisions. These are valuable perspectives. Even if Angela doesn't contact you, know that this letter, posted on the Accident Survivor's page, may help someone else in the future. You are an inspiration to us all.) |
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